


Cages

by Joolz



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, April Showers Challenge, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-20
Updated: 2005-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-17 20:23:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joolz/pseuds/Joolz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McKay and Sheppard are taken captive, and it’s a long journey home.  Both boys thoroughly whumped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cages

Major Sheppard thought the mere fact that the mission had been so quiet and uneventful should have been a tip off. Then there wasn’t much time to think about anything.

They had been exploring an uninhabited planet and following some vague energy readings that intrigued McKay. It was nothing spectacular, but there didn’t seem to be anything else to do and John was enjoying the hike, trailing McKay at a leisurely pace.

The first sign of trouble was when a bolt from some kind of energy weapon hit the scientist in the chest and dropped him where he stood. John called for Ford and Teyla to take cover while he tried to get to McKay, his belly clenched with apprehension, but there were about twenty attackers, and all well armed. He scrambled for something to shelter behind but the enemy was everywhere. It was pretty much a nightmare scenario.

Teyla shouted something, but John couldn’t make it out over the noise. He saw Ford take a projectile in the thigh and fall, and then it was over, for John, anyway. He felt the pain of every muscle in his body spasming and knew he’d been hit. The noise of battle grew distant as he faded from consciousness.

~~**~~

The irritating buzz of McKay’s voice brought him around.

“Major, I insist that you wake up right now. You’re totally useless lying there like a sack of potatoes.”

John opened his eyes and focused on the face hovering over his. Rodney looked scared, his eyes wide and face pale. That in itself wasn’t exactly novel, but he looked very scared, and John knew the man was smart enough to recognize when a situation warranted serious freaking out.

His first utterance was a brilliant, “Gah,” but it seemed to please the scientist nonetheless.

“It’s about time, Major. Thank you so much for joining me.”

Shifting to prop himself up on his elbows a little, John asked, “Are you okay? The others?” Noticing that they were without jackets and vests he tried to look around, but McKay leaned strategically to block his view, sending up a whole string of red flags. “McKay?”

“I,” his team mate was uncharacteristically nonplussed, “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was walking in the woods and the next minute I woke up here. There’s just us, but…we’re not alone.”

John had been training Rodney not to give away tactical information about the team and it looked like it had taken, even though discretion was probably moot at this point.

McKay went on, “Are you feeling better? Are you ready to, ah, handle things?”

Good question. Yes, his body seemed to be back under his control and he very much wanted to know whatever it was that McKay was hiding from him.

“Of course I’m ready.”

Or so he thought. Rodney moved to one side and there, staring down at him through metal bars, was a white, ridged face with drooping dreadlocks and a manic, toothy smile. A Wraith. John’s stomach clenched as the smile broadened hungrily.

“Shit.”

“I see you’re exhibiting your usual flare for pithy understatement,” his team mate grumbled.

No wonder McKay was freaked out, waking up to this. John climbed to his feet and surveyed their surroundings. They were in a cage with four walls of vertical bars, inside a warehouse sized room. Most of the rest of the space was empty, except for a couple more uninhabited holding cells. He was surprised to see that in fact the Wraith was in an adjoining cage, but it was small consolation.

Rodney asked hesitantly, “Where are..?” waving his hand vaguely.

“I don’t know. We were ambushed and you went down first. I saw the lieutenant get hit, and then they got me, too. I don’t know where Ford and Teyla are.”

“They’re probably dead.”

“Let’s avoid speculating about that, shall we?”

McKay sank down to sit on the floor, leaning against the bars as far from the Wraith as possible. “Of course, Major. After all, we have so many facts at our disposal that speculation becomes superfluous.”

“I’m just saying don’t write them off yet.”

John studied the grinning demon on the other side of the barrier. Looking a little ragged around the edges, it wasn’t a first class specimen of Wraithhood, but it was bad enough. The thing was as nasty as any of its kind when it spoke.

“You two look so fresh. Tender and juicy. I will enjoy feeding upon you very much. I will enjoy drinking your lives away bit by bit.”

It stalked dramatically to one corner of its cell and leaned down over a human figure that John hadn’t noticed before. The man was curled motionless on the floor. When the Wraith touched it, the body jerked as though shocked with a defibrillator and went slack.

The Wraith complained, “This one is so dried out.”

John snarked to Rodney, “Do you think they have training sessions on how to talk like maniacal villains, or does it just come natural?”

The scientist didn’t answer, he merely wrapped his arms around his chest and sulked. John sat down next to him and watched the Wraith watch them.

McKay whined quietly, “What now, oh fearless leader?”

“I really don’t know. Hope for the best, I guess, and be ready to move if we get the chance.”

They waited in silence for about half an hour, then the outer doors opened to admit a group of men carrying gun-type weapons and wearing what looked like sabers, possibly ornamental. John stood to observe them warily as they opened the cage next door to the humans and stepped inside.

The Wraith demanded, “I want one of them.”

A man answered, “The one you have is still fine.”

The creature backed away and stooped over the figure on the floor. When it touched him, the man seemed to collapse in on himself like a desiccated fruit.

The Wraith grinned, “Not anymore.”

Disgusted, the man warned, “Don’t push it. You know the rules. You have to ration.”

A pair of men approached the Wraith casually and placed a small container against its arm, like this was something they did every day. The creature hissed and grimaced, but made no move to resist. As the group waited for whatever was happening, John felt McKay at his shoulder, stepping forward to get a better look. After a few minutes the pair turned and left the cell, followed by the man who had been speaking. Another couple of guards went in and dragged the dead body out.

They all headed for the door and John hurried to the bars.

“Hey! We’d like to speak to whoever’s in charge. There seems to be a misunderstanding.” He gave them his best cute-and-charming-and-someone-you’d-really-like-to-go-drinking-with expression.

The apparent leader of the group turned to look at him.

“Who are you?”

“My name is John and this is Rodney. We’re travelers looking for trading partners.” Not knowing exactly what the deal was with the Wraith, he left out the ‘we could be allies’ part.

“All I need right now is Wraith food. Since I already have you, there’s no need to trade, is there?”

Rodney insisted, “You’re being very short sighted. You don’t even know what we have to offer.”

The man shrugged, “Not my job,” and turned and left.

John tried to make light of it. “That went well. Or not.”

McKay stalked back to the far corner and resumed his seat. He groused, “This is just great. Aiden and Teyla are probably dead, and we’re designated Wraith food.” Their neighbor hissed with glee and Rodney snapped, “Just shut up.”

Not really having anything positive to answer that with, John turned to the Wraith.

“So, Dick. I can call you Dick, can’t I? What exactly is it that makes you worth feeding?”

The cold eyes glistened. “Unlike you, I am valuable to them. Their leader has an illness that can only be controlled with regular administration of a serum made from my blood. They will do anything to keep me alive so that she may survive.”

“And you’ll do anything to stay alive yourself, even give blood willingly.”

“I admit that the situation is not ideal, but it is temporary. Others will come for me and destroy all who dared to detain me. In the meantime, I am provided with a steady diet of humans. Like you.”

“We’ll see about that.”

John sat down next to McKay and tried to think. If either of their two team mates had escaped, they could be bringing a rescue party back any minute. Otherwise, it could be a couple of days before Elizabeth sent anyone, and even then it might take a while to find them. During the original mission they hadn’t seen any signs of human life until the attack. He didn’t even know if they were still on the same planet.

Suddenly, he noticed that McKay was staring at him. John turned and met the intense blue eyes directly, wondering what was going on in that overactive brain. Rodney wasn’t conventionally good looking, but so much of his character revealed itself on his distinctive face that he had his own kind of charisma. Rodney’s personality was sharp and strong, and that’s what John saw whenever he looked at him.

He had to ask, “What?”

“Nothing. Just that one or both of us is about to meet a gruesome end and I can’t see a way out of it. I don’t want to die and I don’t want you to, either. You still owe me a pan of brownies from the last time I beat you at chess.” It didn’t seem to be the brownies he was concerned about.

Sheppard thought he knew where Rodney was coming from. It was terrible to be so powerless in a situation like this, to be scared for yourself and for your friend. Because they had in a way, against all odds, become friends. There was something about being stranded in another galaxy going through all kinds of life and death situations with someone that broke down normal barriers. Back on Earth they probably would hardly have noticed each other’s existence, but here they were a well matched pair. It was hard to imagine Rodney not being around.

He said, “Our goal now is to survive as long as possible, to give the others time to rescue us. You do anything you have to to stay alive, and if you get a chance to escape, take it. If either one of us can get away we can bring back help. Just keep your mind on that goal.”

Rodney nodded. “I’ll try, John.” He hardly ever used Sheppard’s first name. “I just wanted to say…. Well, nothing really. I’m glad you’re here with me. Not that I’m glad you’re about to become dinner for a soul-sucking alien, but I wouldn’t be handling this with the same grace and fortitude if I were by myself.”

“Ah, well, good.”

Actually, the opposite was true for John. If he were here alone he wouldn’t be feeling anywhere near the same level of panic. As it happened, he was desperate to protect McKay, but didn’t have any way to do it. It was a small comfort to know that his presence was helpful to the other man.

He shifted so that their shoulders pressed together. The two sat quietly for a while, and John inched a little closer. It was cool and damp in their prison and Rodney’s long-sleeved blue jersey kept him marginally warmer than John’s short-sleeved black T-shirt.

Eventually, the door opened and a man entered carrying a tray. He slid it through a gap in the bars at floor level and left again without a word. They found that the tray contained some basic food in cardboard-like containers and noticed a small pipe and spigot next to the opening, from which they could drink. Below it was a drain hole, the purpose of which was fairly obvious given the lack of other facilities.

They ate in troubled silence, the food a reminder that the alien in the next cage was going to get to eat, too. After taking care of bodily functions with the least awkwardness they could manage, John suggested that they get some sleep.

McKay responded, “I don’t think I can, and you shouldn’t either. It’s your job to find us a way out of here.”

Lying down on the floor and resting his head on crossed forearms, he explained, “Actually, I do some of my best thinking with my eyes closed.”

“Why does that not surprise me?

“Because you’re the smartest guy in the universe.”

Rodney sat down close beside him. “Normally that would go without saying, but at the moment I’m having to reconsider. If I were so smart, I would have stayed on Earth. I could have been adequately entertained at the Antarctic site for years.”

Actually, John could say the same thing. The quiet routine had suited him more than being in charge of fighting off an alien invasion. Still, he had to admit that present circumstances aside, the Pegasus Galaxy had its good points. There were some very cool things to fly.

John asked, “So, you’re sorry you came?”

McKay was silent for a moment, his mouth turned down at the corners. “If we die here, then yes, I’ll be very sorry. If by some miracle we make it, I suppose I’ll find it challenging enough to be worthwhile. Being the smartest man in the entire galaxy compensates for a lot.”

Sheppard smiled. Three things were certain in life: death, taxes and Rodney’s ego.

He must have slept, because the next thing he knew he was waking to the sound of metal striking metal. Three men stood in the open doorway of their cage. He looked around to find Rodney slumped against the bars asleep and shook him sharply. The scientist was on his feet and alert in seconds.

One of the men facing them was the one they’d spoken to before and John had a bad feeling about this. He quickly assessed the three and found them muscular enough and well armed enough to be a problem, though they didn’t carry themselves like trained soldiers. Amateur soldiers with fancy fake swords could be just as dangerous, if only because they were unpredictable. Fighting their way out wasn’t an option that held a high potential for success.

The men took a few steps into the cage. The leader said, “All right. Feeding time.”

The sweat on his upper lip gave away how scared McKay was, but he didn’t cringe. He stood beside Sheppard looking as defiant as he could manage.

John tried talking again. “Hey, you know, we’re really worth more to you alive than dead. If your superiors find out you wasted us on a Wraith without letting us make our case to them, you could be in a lot of trouble. Are you willing to risk that?”

The man looked at him with disinterest. “Old pasty face here is a high priority to the Director. Can you keep her alive? I don’t think so.”

“As a matter of fact, our people have advanced medical technology. Wouldn’t a cure be even better than survival?”

Their jailer shrugged again. “Whatever. I have my orders.” He looked back and forth between them and pointed to McKay. “That one first.”

Now Rodney took a step back, and John moved in front of him. “Wait a minute. Let’s not be hasty.”

One of the guards stepped forward and pointed a weapon at Sheppard, ordering, “Get back.”

He did, but herded McKay behind him until he was blocked into the corner by John’s body. “This just isn’t acceptable.” He swallowed a lump of fear. “Take me.”

The leader motioned the guard forward and said, “You’ll get your chance. Don’t give me a hard time. I’ve got a job to do.”

The guard struck at Sheppard with the butt of the gun, and when the blow was deflected, snapped it back quickly to connect with John’s cheek, making his head spin and knocking him sideways. He felt McKay steady him as he leaned against the bars and then move around him toward the jailers.

John lunged forward and caught his arm. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Rodney turned. “I appreciate the heroics, Major, but while getting beaten to a pulp may make you feel better, it won’t actually help the situation. I don’t see that we have a lot of choices.”

John didn’t either, but how could he just stand there and let this happen? McKay must have seen the desperation on his face because he forced a grim smile and said, “I’ll be right next door.”

Standing there and letting it happen, because he didn’t know what else to do, John watched the guards manhandle McKay out of the cell. After locking the door, they all moved to the next one. They held Rodney in front of the open doorway while the Wraith swayed in anticipation.

The man John was coming to think of as the ‘It’s a job’ guy said to the alien, “Don’t think that just because there’s a backup you can get greedy. We know exactly how long you can go without eating, and if you don’t make these last you’ll find out, too.” With that he shoved Rodney into the cell and closed the door. Without another word, the trio turned and left.

Standing motionless, McKay and the Wraith looked at each other. Then, smiling with its mouth shut, which was somehow more horrible than the toothy grin, the creature moved slowly forward, one hand held out. Sheppard grasped the bars of the cage helplessly as he watched Rodney, his face blanched, take instinctive steps back. When he hit metal, the Wraith moved to one side, allowing his prey to escape. Then it began the slow stalk once again. The fucking monster was playing cat and mouse with Rodney!

John couldn’t think of anything to say that would help. Wraith could be very single minded when it came to eating. He watched silently as the game of ‘tag, you’re dead’ continued.

It wasn’t long until McKay took a stand pressed up against the door of the cell. When the Wraith advanced toward him, he stayed still. He flung at his assailant, “Fine. Just get it over with. My only regret is to be killed by something so hideously ugly. I bet your mother doesn’t even love you.”

It bared its pointy teeth and moved in close, crowding into Rodney’s space. It stroked his cheek with a long, thin finger and hissed into his face, “Beauty is unimportant. When you’re the dominant species you are by definition superior, and we are definitely the dominant species. You are merely my dinner.”

The Wraith suddenly tore the blue shirt open from the neckline down, exposing McKay’s chest. John could see that his friend was panting, shaking slightly, and had squeezed his eyes shut. He hated that Rodney was facing this alone and called his name.

McKay’s eyes opened and found Sheppard. Their gazes locked, and then the Wraith shoved its hand against its victim’s chest. Rodney’s face crumpled and he threw his head back in agony, crying out.

John had moved to the corner as close to the other two as he could get before he even realized he was yelling. “Fuck! Stop it, god damn it! Enough! Let him go!”

After several seconds the alien stepped back, sneering, “Just a little snack. Very tasty.” Then it laughed and moved to the other side of the cell.

Rodney, blood running down his belly, slumped against the door. Passing his arms through the bars and into the other enclosure, John called, “Rodney! Come over here. Come on, big guy.”

The scientist lifted his head and blinked in disorientation, then lurched shakily toward John, who barely caught him and turned him around before his knees gave out. John sank to the ground with his friend, his arms tightening around Rodney’s torso to hold him through the bars.

Positioning himself sideways so he could stretch his legs out on the ground, John twisted to press his chest to Rodney’s back. With one hand he patted and stroked the other man’s face, and murmured, “It’s okay, Rodney. It’s over. You’re all right. I’ve got you.”

McKay’s head was leaning back against the bars next to John’s face. After a moment he snorted and said weakly, “Oh, right. Everything’s fine. I’ve just had who knows how many years of my life sucked out, and you say everything’s okay. Well, guess what, Major? You aren’t the one over here, I am, and let me tell you, it’s not okay, so save the platitudes.”

John just tightened his hold, feeling guilty and powerless. Seeing a Wraith feed on his friend was horrifying. How it must feel to have it happen to oneself was unimaginable. Or rather, he could imagine that it was absolute hell.

Rodney’s eyes were closed, his mouth was open and he was breathing quietly. He seemed to have fallen asleep. John shifted position and felt warm, slick wetness under his fingers. He followed the trail of blood upward and brushed his hand over raw, broken flesh in the center of the chest. He longed to bang his head against the bars in frustration, but didn’t want to wake his companion. Instead, he angled his hand to gently pet the upper chest and shoulder, as much to comfort himself as the other man.

As his hand moved, he became aware of the springy hair covering the whole torso in a thin mat. It had been a long time since he’d run his fingers through another man’s chest hair, and it brought back feelings that he had tried hard to bury. He had enough problems being in the military without adding homosexual relationships to it, so he’d stuck strictly to women for the last several years, and even those were few enough in number. He couldn’t help his reaction now, though, because he felt so close to Rodney, was really enjoying touching him,… and weren’t those inappropriate things to be thinking under the circumstances? He resolutely redirected his attention.

Sheppard tried to ignore the alien squatting on the far side of the cage… breathing… and concentrate on the warmth of the body he was embracing. At the moment, the annoying bundle of energy with the almost super-human ability to save the day that was Dr. Rodney McKay felt very mortal and vulnerable. John would happily sit here and hold him forever if it would keep him safe. Unfortunately, he knew that that was only wishful thinking.

John leaned his head against the bars and tried to rest. He was already exhausted and didn’t know what more was coming. After a while, he felt McKay shift a bit, and a hand closed around his forearm.

Turning his head, Rodney said quietly, “Major. I’m sorry about what I said before. I know you’re doing your best to help.”

His voice almost a whisper, he replied, “I wish I could do more.”

“You’re doing a lot right now. I couldn’t handle this alone. I’d go crazy, which would not be a pretty sight. Thanks for being here.”

The Wraith snickered. “How sweet. Your little displays of affection make this much more pleasurable. I get to hurt you both at the same time. It’s so enjoyable to see you squirm and suffer.”

They ignored it, but stopped talking. John continued to stroke Rodney’s shoulder without any objections. It felt like they were in a moment of heightened reality; life was a tangible and immediate thing, and they were sharing it. It was another of those near death experiences that reminded John that he was alive and really wanted to stay that way.

After a while McKay started feeling better and turned sideways, putting his back to his cell mate and facing John, who continued holding onto Rodney’s arm, barely avoiding the holding-hands thing. They talked quietly about inconsequentials like the latest gossip and making an inventory of all of Kavanaugh’s faults, trying to wrap themselves in normalcy while they could. Eventually someone brought two trays of food, one for each cell, and they started moving around again.

By unspoken agreement, when they grew tired they met at the same corner and leaned their shoulders together. As John tried to relax, he found that it wasn’t enough contact. He slipped his hand through the bars and went right ahead and took hold of Rodney’s.

His friend examined their joined hands with puzzled surprise, then commented, “I suppose under the circumstances this isn’t totally outrageous.”

John chuckled. “I’m glad you aren’t too shocked.”

“I’m humoring you. Who knew you would be clingy?”

“I didn’t,” John admitted. “Learn something new every day.”

McKay opened his mouth to respond, but then didn’t. He rested his head between the bars just where John could fit his as well. That’s how they fell asleep, huddled together in their cages like hamsters, holding fear at bay a little while longer.

**~~**

It was difficult to know how much time was passing in the windowless room, but John had an idea from how much his beard was growing. It seemed that the Wraith allowed itself a ‘snack’ about once a day. They themselves were fed at pretty much the same interval, and John quickly started putting some of his food aside to feed to McKay in between, pointing out quite reasonably that the scientist needed it more.

Wraith meal time was a nightmare. ‘Dick’ liked to play with its food almost as much as it liked eating. It would pin Rodney down on the floor and then let him up time and again just to demonstrate its superior strength, and swoop in when they least expected to toss him across the cell for no apparent reason. It was demoralizing, and that was the point.

On the third day the Wraith discovered how much fun it was to hold Rodney against the bars where the cells adjoined, so that John could be right there and still not be able to do anything. The creature was careful to stand far enough back that John couldn’t reach it, which was smart because he spent a good bit of time trying to decide what angle he would need in order to break that extra-strong neck with his bare hands. He gripped Rodney’s rigid shoulders, and for those few seconds could feel a tingle of pain himself as the Wraith fed.

At least this way McKay didn’t have to do more than sit when it was over and John could get a hold of him immediately. Rodney was finding it harder to bear up under the stress and pain, and their embraces lasted longer each time.

While stoicism seemed to be his preferred coping mechanism in this situation, during one of their prolonged hugs Rodney admitted, “It hurts.”

“Damn, McKay, I know it does. This really sucks.”

Rodney snorted. “Literally. This is just such a waste. Anyone could feed a Wraith. Why should it be me when I have so many more valuable talents? All that education, all that training, all that experience, and I end up no better than a take-out pizza.”

With a chuckle John teased, “What? White and spotted and greasy?”

“Ha, ha.” Then more seriously, “You know what sucks the most? I can’t even ask you to kill me quickly to spare me from worse, because it,” Rodney shuddered whenever referring to his alien tormenter, “would just move on to you. The longer I hold out the better chance you have, but I can tell you, if it were only me I’d find a way to end it. That thing is enjoying itself entirely too much.”

It was hard for Sheppard to judge exactly how this was affecting McKay physically. Aside from looking understandably like hell, he didn’t appear any older. It certainly wasn’t the fast degeneration he’d seen in Colonel Sumner and other victims, and he hoped that the short duration of the attacks meant that the result, while ultimately fatal, was less rapid in inflicting damage. The image of the dried up husk of a human being that had been Dick’s last cell mate haunted him, awake and asleep.

Which got him thinking…. The next time the Wraith arranged Rodney like a Thanksgiving turkey, John intervened.

“Wait! Just listen to me for a minute. I have a proposal.”

The hideous face turned toward him.

“Seriously, I have an idea.”

The Wraith hissed, “Talk fast, I want to feed.”

This was totally a weird thing to be saying, but he tried to be convincing. “Look, we know you have to make us last as long as possible. I was thinking, wouldn’t we go farther if we took turns rather than you using us up one at a time? We’d have a chance to recover in between and get more energy back. That’s gotta be better for you, huh?”

While the creature looked at John speculatively, Rodney twisted as much as he could with his arms pinned and looked at him with alarm.

“Major, what are you saying?”

Sheppard pressed his chest against the bars. “I’m saying it’s my turn.”

The Wraith grinned. “Your suggestion has merit. I would not object.”

Rodney did. “Are you a complete idiot? Get away from there!”

His heart pounding, John saw the alien release his team mate and move toward him. It still stood out of reach, but extended its bony hand. John braced himself and closed his eyes.

And so he heard rather than saw when McKay tackled the Wraith and pushed it away. It recovered quickly and backhanded Rodney, sending him crashing into the bars near John, where he held on and started scolding.

“This is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had. If you’re going to stand a chance of getting out of here, of getting me out of here, you need to be as strong as possible. Two half-eaten weaklings will never make it. Think rationally.”

“This is rational, McKay. Remember the rule? Survive as long as possible to give Atlantis the chance to rescue us. Do you think I would happily walk out of here after letting you die? We’ll both survive longer this way.”

“I can’t allow you to do this.”

The Wraith didn’t give him a choice. It hit Rodney hard enough to hurl him across the cell and turned back to John, whose whole body screamed in agony as the alien jammed its palm into his chest.

For a few interminable seconds his existence was a fire of raw pain. It was like he could feel his very essence being torn away. Then just as suddenly it was over. He gasped, his vision going black, and struggled feebly against the hands on his body until he understood that they were Rodney’s. Now it was his turn to sink to the floor and into the other man’s arms.

He slurred, “Jesus Christ!” This was what his friend had been going through? It was even worse than he’d expected. Way worse than his unpleasant experience with the bug.

Rodney’s hands soothed him but his voice was choked with emotion. “Don’t you ever do that again, do you hear me? I can see that what little brain you have is addled. Apparently I’m going to have to do the thinking for both of us, because your concept of survival is seriously flawed.”

John heard the Wraith chuckle malevolently. “This is truly wonderful. It is rare to have two animals vying to offer themselves to me, but I find it delightfully appropriate.”

Sheppard snarled, “Fuck off and die, Dick.”

The arms around him started to shake, and as he turned his head he realized that Rodney was laughing.

“Something funny, Dr. McKay?”

The answering snorts were maybe a little hysterical. “Fuck off and die, Dick. I love it. That’s just so apropos. Maybe you are a genius after all.”

Definitely a little hysterical, but John didn’t mind. He felt the same way himself, so he snickered and offered another suggestion. “How about, ‘Eat shit, fuck-face’?”

Rodney chortled in his ear. “Mmm hmm, mmm hmm, that’s good too.”

“Or, ‘Stick it where the sun don’t shine, you albino mother-fucker’?”

“Oh, stop. It hurts.”

Judging by the pain radiating out from his own sternum, he guessed Rodney wasn’t joking about that, so he saved the even more colorful insults for later. John let his head drop against the bars and felt the arms around him adjust to hold him more securely. The gentle stroking actually did help, which was good to know. The fingers brushing his skin felt better than they probably should have.

He didn’t get a chance to follow that thought any further, because the door opened and the job-guy came in with several guards and two men they hadn’t seen before. As John and Rodney both climbed slowly to their feet, the two strangers approached the cells and looked them over. The larger of them said, “There they are. Is that him?”

John realized that they were looking at Rodney. The smaller man peered at him, then glanced at John.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I never forget a face. The other one is Sheppard. Where you find one you find the other.”

John didn’t recognize the man. “Excuse me, do I know you?”

Rodney answered. “He’s Genii. A lab technician.”

“Oh, Genii! I should have guessed.”

The large man with the broad, flat face ignored them. He motioned to job-guy and said, “I’m taking him with me.”

The Wraith hissed in protest and John’s first instinct was to agree, but really, could whatever they wanted Rodney for be any worse than where he was now? He thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask anyway.

“What do you want him for?”

“He’ll find out. Get him.”

McKay looked at John with mild panic. As good a thing as it was to get away from the Wraith, neither of them liked the idea of being separated. While job-guy opened the cell, John leaned close and said softly, “Remember the plan. One: survive. Two: escape. Got it?”

Rodney nodded, but asked as he was being pulled out of the enclosure, “What about him? You should bring him, too.”

The big guy narrowed his eyes at Rodney. “Don’t speak unless I tell you to.”

In a flash Rodney, the two visitors and half the guards were gone.

Job-guy glared at John accusingly. “Great. I’ll still be expected to make you last as long as both of you would have. It’s in the work order.”

“Hey, I told you we were too valuable to waste on that.” He motioned toward the Wraith.

The man looked at Dick. “Did you hear that? Gotta make this one last twice as long. I can’t trust you, so he stays in this cell until I say it’s feeding time.”

The Wraith cajoled, “Let me feed upon him now. I hunger.”

“Forget it. I know you just ate. I saw it on the monitor. Get used to it.”

With that the man left, giving John a chance to mull over what had happened. McKay was parts unknown, but at least not there. John was there, but at least not in the same cage as the Wraith. All in all it could be considered a slight improvement.

~~**~~

Dick’s feeding schedule was stretched to once every two days, which John didn’t object to at all. The guards would hold him to the bars and let the Wraith touch him, then pull him away after several seconds, stopping the alien from taking too much.

He developed an exercise routine to stay in shape and relieve stress, though each day he could do less. The rest of the time John worried. He worried about what might be happening to McKay, but also about the bigger picture. It had been two weeks since they’d been taken and nobody had come for them. The more time passed, the less likely it was that they would be rescued.

That and the continued feedings forced John’s hand. Rodney had been right; he wouldn’t be able to escape if he got too weak. He had to at least make an attempt before it was too late.

The guards had been lulled by routine, so when John stood passively waiting to be pushed against the bars they thought nothing of it. At the last moment he lunged, grabbing their heads and knocking them together as hard as he could. The men staggered, and he made a break for it.

He got as far as the cell door before an intense pain tore through his chest. Looking down, he saw about a foot of saber blade sticking out from just below his left collar bone. Definitely not ornamental then. The guard behind John shoved the blade and him up against the bars, growling, “Stupid move.”

Yeah, maybe it was. The pain increased as he fell into darkness.

~~**~~

John couldn’t have been more surprised to wake up at all, much less wake up in what seemed to be a hospital. His shoulder was one great big ball of pulsing, throbbing pain and his mouth felt like someone had glued dryer lint all over the inside, but there was a nice young girl mopping his forehead with a damp cloth. He blinked at her and she jumped up and ran away.

He looked blearily around the room, which appeared to be an open ward with about a dozen beds along the walls. The small motion made the ceiling and floor switch places a few times before coming to an understanding. Sheppard tried to grip the mattress, but only one hand worked, and the lack of symmetry made him dizzier.

Before long, a man in a yellow coat stood over him. Yellow was so not a good color to flaunt in the face of the equilibrium impaired.

The yellow man was holding what looked like a clipboard and pencil. He asked abruptly, “Do you have a name?”

Of course he did. Everybody had a name. His was… oh, yes.

“John.”

“You’re a prisoner here, so don’t get any ideas about wandering away.”

As if! Sheppard moved his legs experimentally and felt resistance. The clank of a chain filled in the picture.

He asked, “So, am I expected to live?”

“That’s the idea. At least until I’m told otherwise.”

Beckett could really give this guy lessons on bedside manners.

The doctor continued, “You were lucky the wound missed your heart and the major arteries. We were able to stop the bleeding in time, but the tissue damage was extensive. You won’t be using that arm for a while.”

Looking down at himself, John saw that his arm was strapped across his bare chest, below a thick bandage. He really was quite well hobbled.

“You happen to have any pain pills?”

The doctor looked at him as if trying to decide whether he deserved any, then said, “I’ll be back.”

Not that he was complaining, but John couldn’t figure out why he was still alive. Why not let him die or feed him to the Wraith?

The timid girl brought him a glass of water, which he downed greedily, and the doctor returned with an injection. He was very happy to sink back into the darkness.

Sheppard drifted in and out of consciousness for the next couple of days, until he finally awoke in the morning feeling much better. The pain was still ever present, but everything else seemed to be in working order, enough so that the chains securing him to the bed became very annoying.

Around mid-day he had a visitor. It was the man who had taken Rodney away. He stood looking down at John.

“I’m Superintendent Fyn, and you go by three names. John, Major and Sheppard.”

“You can call me Sheppard.”

“I’ll call you whatever I want.” He directed the doctor, “Get him up.”

The leg irons were removed and the doctor helped him sit for the first time in days. His head spun for a few moments and then he was urged to his feet. There was definitely more spinning going on at that altitude.

He was already wearing light, drawstring pants. At Fyn’s orders a loose, beige, peasant style shirt with laces up the front was pulled onto him over the strapped down arm.

Fyn asked the doctor, “Can he be released?”

“It’s up to you. Mostly he needs rest now, but if he has a relapse it will be your responsibility. He should change the bandages.” A roll of gauze was shoved into his hand.

“Let’s go, then.” Fyn pulled John by his good arm, and the first several steps were not his most graceful ever. As they left the hospital ward, though, he started to feel steady enough to pay attention to where they were. They seemed to be in a maze of corridors with numerous doors. There was no natural lighting, which tended to confirm John’s impression that they were underground.

Fyn said, “You’re only alive for one reason.”

“Well, I was wondering.”

“McKay isn’t cooperating. It’ll be your job to see that he does better.”

“Better at what?”

“The Genii agent said that McKay was a genius. That he could build or fix anything. I told him to improve our energy delivery system. If he’s so smart he should have it done by now, so I know he’s shirking. You’d better convince your boyfriend to cooperate or he’ll be sorry.”

John mentally raised an eyebrow at the boyfriend comment, but let it pass. He was being taken to his team mate, and that was all he needed to know.

He had totally lost track of where they were by the time Fyn stopped in front of a barred door with a guard standing outside. “This will be your world from now on.” He shoved John through the doorway and followed him in.

It was clearly some kind of technical work-room. There was a jumble of furniture, equipment and what looked like loose parts, and one large drafting table. The walls were gray cement with smudges of faded color where old paint was peeling off. Sheppard had to crane his neck to look around for Rodney, finally spotting him sitting on a low stool, leaning his shoulder against the far wall, staring into space.

John was stunned at McKay’s appearance. He looked half dead. They had been separated long enough that his beard had filled in, but John could still see that his face was terribly pale, except for bruised spots. Dark circles stood out beneath his eyes. He was wearing pants like John’s and his tunic shirt with a similar lace-up front looked like it hadn’t been laundered for some time. He was noticeably thinner.

Fyn guided John into the room, but McKay didn’t look up until he barked, “Okay, I expect results and no more excuses.”

When Rodney saw John his eyes widened in shock and he pushed himself to his feet. “Major!” He took a step forward, then glanced at Fyn and stopped, looking down at the ground anxiously.

Fyn admonished, “You understand, McKay? Get the job done.”

Rodney nodded nervously in response, not looking up.

The man turned and left the room and John could hear the bar slide home behind him. Rodney barely moved; he only raised his head to stare at John owlishly.

After dropping the bandages on a table and moving quickly to his friend, Sheppard touched Rodney on the arm with his good hand and ducked his head to get a better look at his face. “Rodney. Are you all right?” He didn’t look all right. He had a dark bruise on one cheek that spread back into his hairline, and several other mottled and fading marks.

McKay blinked at him and seemed to have to force the words out. “They…they told me you were dead. Showed me. I’m alone.”

“They told you I was dead? I’m not. It was pretty bad, that’s true, but I made it.” John frowned at the bewildered expression on the other man’s face. “Rodney, what’s going on with you?”

McKay shook his head, seeming to bring himself more into the present. “I’m fine.” He reached out for John and clasped his arms. When John flinched at the pain the light contact produced in his shoulder, Rodney jerked his hands away.

“Oh, god, John. I’m sorry. You’re injured. Come and sit down.” He motioned toward the stool and Sheppard sunk down onto it gladly. The only other seats he could see were two tall stools next to the drafting table.

“Thanks. They brought me here straight from the infirmary. Not used to standing just yet.”

Rodney squatted in front of him and looked him over solicitously. “I really thought you were dead. They showed me how you were hanging there in the cage with this big sword right through your body.” It made John nauseous to thing about it. “What happened?”

“Oh, you know, a little escape attempt. Didn’t work out so well.”

“I guess not.” His voice sharpened a bit. “What were you…?” Rodney stopped speaking and looked down again. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

John frowned. He didn’t like the hesitant tone in Rodney’s voice. “Yeah, I’m going to be all right. Damn lucky to be alive. Why am I, by the way? Do you know?”

McKay shifted uneasily. “Maybe. I kept trying to get them to bring you here. I told Fyn I couldn’t work without you. He didn’t, ah, didn’t buy it, but I kept insisting. He wanted to know why, and I told him you were my partner. My mate, you know. So he’d understand why it was necessary.” He looked at John apologetically.

Sheppard cocked his head, raised his eyebrows and gave him his patented ‘Oh, yeah?’ smirk, the one that usually got Rodney’s quirky smile and sharp wit into action. “Your mate, huh? Rodney, you sly dog.”

McKay’s face fell and he looked truly worried. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t think of anything else. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

The teasing grin slid off of John’s face. Something was really wrong. “It’s okay, Rodney. I don’t mind. It was a good idea, and it seems to have worked. I’m here instead of in the hoosegow with Dick. You did good.”

Looking a little relieved, but still uneasy, McKay responded, “I guess. It’s not like they tell my why they do anything. Fyn just kept saying no, and then he told me you were dead. After that I refused to do anything. He got kind of mad. I never expected you to come walking in here.” Rodney’s eyes teared and he blinked rapidly.

John asked gently, “How mad did he get?”

“Uh, well, pretty mad. Said no more food until I agreed to work.”

“How long ago was that?”

McKay shrugged. “A couple of days.”

John dropped off the stool onto his knees and guided Rodney to sit on it in his place. He brushed the other man’s cheek with his fingertips and slid them into his hair. “How long have you been without food, exactly?”

“I had a couple pieces of bread hidden, but that’s gone now.”

Jesus Fucking Christ. No wonder he looked so bad. “Did you tell them about your hypoglycemia?”

Rodney looked away uneasily yet again. “Yes, but… they didn’t think it was important.”

“Not important?” John got to his feet and proceeded to inspect the room they were in. Besides several work surfaces and the equipment, he found a thin pallet on the ground behind a cabinet and a small alcove with a simple shower head suspended over a drain hole. That was all.

“Rodney, do you have living quarters other than this?”

The scientist looked at him with wide eyes. “No. It’s fine. I don’t need anything else.”

John was so angry he was starting to see red. “Like hell!” He stormed over to the door and began pounding on it with his fist, ignoring the stabs of pain that went through his shoulder.

“Hey, guard. Open up.”

A small panel slid back revealing a pair of eyes.

“I want to see Fyn. Get him here now!”

“Superintendent Fyn is busy.”

“I don’t care if he’s got an audience with the Pope! Tell him I need to talk to him this minute. Just do it!” His command yell made the guard jump and the panel slid shut. That’s when he became aware that Rodney was pulling at his sleeve.

McKay whispered urgently, “What are you doing? John, please don’t say anything. You’ll just make it worse.”

“Worse? How could it be worse? Well, except for the Wraith thing, of course, but they want you to work for them so that’s not likely. Things have got to change here.”

John had never seen his team mate look so terrified, not even caged with a Wraith. McKay shuffled backward into a corner trembled. “Please, John.”

The Major could hardly breathe from the pain of seeing his friend like that. “My god, Rodney, what’s been going on?”

The door to the hall opened and Fyn stepped in. John turned on him in fury.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing treating him this way? Aside from it being totally inhumane, it’s just stupid. You actually expect him to get work done under these conditions?”

The large man’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “You got a problem?”

“Let me give you a list. We’ll start with food. Dr. McKay is hypoglycemic, a physical condition which means that if he doesn’t eat at regular intervals he can get sick. Not just sick, but fall into a coma and die. Yes, I said die. And you’ve been starving him? Let me explain this to you so you can understand. If you don’t give him regular, nutritious meals his brain won’t work properly. You’re guaranteeing that he won’t be able to comply with your requests. From now on, arrange to have food delivered at least three times a day.

“Second, make sure that he has the ability to maintain decent hygiene. Clean clothes, toothbrush and tooth paste, shaving supplies-”

Rodney interrupted with one word, “Soap,” then clapped his hands over his mouth.

“Soap.

“Three, get some comfortable furniture in here. I’ve worked with Dr. McKay long enough to know that if you want him to concentrate on fixing something, you need to make sure he isn’t worrying about physical discomfort. He’s a high maintenance individual, but the results are worth it. Bring in a comfortable chair, better lights, a bed or at least a decent mattress, and blankets. Rodney McKay without a good night’s sleep is not productive.”

Fyn was glaring at Rodney over John’s shoulder and he noticed that Rodney had closed his eyes and seemed to be holding his breath.

“And that’s another thing. Do not, I repeat, do not try to coerce or intimidate him. Rodney McKay has a brilliant mind and sensitive soul. Work with him as he is; don’t try to force him to be what you want. What the fuck were you thinking?”

He didn’t see it coming. Suddenly the back of Fyn’s sizable hand struck John across the face and sent him reeling into a cabinet and then onto the floor. He fell on his left side, and the pain caused him to see stars. He lay there panting for a minute, trying to regain control.

Rodney crept out of his corner, eyes fearfully glued to their captor, and knelt by John’s side. His hands under John’s back and elbow helped him sit up.

Fyn stormed over to loom above them and Rodney cringed. Glaring down at them murderously, Fyn thundered, “You piece of shit! Do not, I repeat, do not try to tell me what to do. If you have any complaints I’m sure the Wraith will be more than glad to have you returned to his cell. I don’t need you, Sheppard.”

John glared back as fiercely as he was able. “Apparently, you do. When you brought me here you said it was to make sure that Dr. McKay would complete the project you’ve given him. Well, I’m just telling you how to make that happen. It’s up to you. If you don’t want to listen, then you might as well send me back to the Wraith, because there won’t be anything else I can do.”

Rodney gasped and grabbed John’s shirt. “No! Please don’t send him back. I’ll do whatever you want. I’m sorry, Superintendent Fyn. He just doesn’t understand. Please don’t…”

“Rodney!” Sheppard interrupted. “Shut up. Don’t apologize to him; you’re worth more than that. Help me up.”

John felt bad when McKay ducked his head and closed his mouth, but his friend did help him get to his feet so he could face Fyn more equitably.

“Look, you heard right. Dr. McKay is the best there is. If you need your electrical system or whatever fixed, he’s the man to do it. Treat him well and he’ll exceed your expectations.”

Fyn looked like he wanted to tear both John and Rodney apart with his bare hands. He growled, “McKay knows how things are here. You better have him explain it to you. I won’t be so forgiving next time.”

With that he left the room. John was sure that the sound of the bar securing the door was going to get old very fast.

Rodney swayed on his feet then abruptly sat down on the floor. John sat next to him and put his good arm around his shoulders. “It’s gonna to be all right. You’ll see.”

McKay leaned into him heavily. “I don’t feel so good.”

“I’d guess not. Let’s try and get you a little more comfortable.”

This time John helped Rodney to his feet and they leaned on each other as they headed for the pallet. John got the other man lying down and sat at his head, leaning against the cabinet. He could feel his own energy fading fast and he hoped to hell he could fulfill his promise that everything would be all right. He doubted that Rodney would last another day under these conditions.

He massaged McKay’s scalp through greasy hair. He didn’t even want to think about what his own head must be like. It had been weeks since he’d been able to do more than hold it under a spigot.

John was just nodding off when he heard the door open and close. Climbing stiffly to his feet, he found a tray with meat, vegetables, cheese, and even sweet little doughy balls of some kind. There was also a pitcher with something like lemonade in it. Rodney couldn’t have that, but John would certainly enjoy it.

He couldn’t carry the whole tray with one arm, so he settled for making several trips until he had a feast laid out beside his sleeping colleague. He shook Rodney awake.

“Hey, see what we’ve got?”

McKay’s eyes traced the line of plates warily and looked up at John as though seeking permission.

“Help yourself. Here, why don’t you start with one of these sweets, just for a little jolt of sugar?” John took a small bite of one of the balls to check for noticeable citrus, then handed it to the other man.

Rodney frowned at it, but put it in his mouth. As he chewed, his face contorted through a string of expressions, from distrust and consternation to surprise, ending finally with ecstatic joy. His coloring actually started to improve within minutes of the sugar hitting his system. He sat up and eyed the food eagerly. John wanted to tell him to pig out, but ended up urging caution, since he didn’t know how much Rodney’s system could take all at once.

While they ate, the door opened and closed again. John grinned broadly and said, “Let’s see what we’ve got now.”

Rodney insisted, “I’ll go!” and bounded there and back. It was a basket with towels and various toilet articles. There was a note informing them that they would be allowed to shave once a day and the razor would be taken back afterward. Rodney smelled the cake of soap and sighed as though it were the finest French perfume. He looked at John. “Mind if I go?” motioning toward the shower.

“Knock yourself out. Figuratively speaking, of course.”

As the shower started, John picked up the remains of the meal and hid some of it in a drawer just in case the bounty didn’t continue. Then he grabbed a towel for himself and headed toward the shower alcove.

He didn’t mean to spy. It wasn’t like he intended to peek at Rodney but the flash of white skin caught his eye, which was then drawn to the dinner plate sized bruise on the lower back. There were lash marks on his shoulders and upper arms. John stepped closer.

Eyes closed as the water poured down on him, washing the soap out of his hair, Rodney turned around. In addition to the scabbed over Wraith burn, there was a bruise covering his ribs on the right side and another on his thigh. Both were vaguely boot shaped. And those were just the big ones. John stared in horror and dismay.

“Rodney.”

His friend’s eyes opened and he rubbed the water out of them, staring back at John. There was no demand for privacy, just startled silence.

John said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, but god!” It was obvious that he was checking out the various contusions. “It’s a good thing I hadn’t seen this yet when Fyn was here before or I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from killing him.”

Rodney shrugged. “It happened. You’ve had worse.”

“Yeah, I have, but you shouldn’t.” Rodney seemed calm, but John wasn’t. “It’s my job to protect you from things like this. Damn.”

McKay shut the water off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He stood in front of John and reassured, “It’s okay. If there’s anyone to blame, it most certainly isn’t you. These marks are entirely the result of my own actions.”

It was so wrong to hear him accept this as his due. He should be bitching and complaining and John would give anything to hear that familiar whine. Without considering whether it would be welcome or not, he stepped forward and pulled the dripping man to him for a one armed hug.

Rodney stood stiffly for a minute, then started to relax. “It really is all right. Don’t worry about it.”

John dropped his forehead onto the wet shoulder. It broke his heart to think of what his friend had gone through. He could just imagine Rodney’s imperious reaction to these conditions when he was first ushered in, and Fyn’s likely response. Then, by his own admission, he had begun agitating to have John brought here too. He wondered how many of the bruises were a result of Rodney trying to save his life. He wondered, and didn’t really want to know, how long it had taken Fyn to beat the arrogance out of McKay.

~~**~~

After McKay helped John clean up as well as he could with his arm strapped down and changed the bandages on the entry and exit wounds, they wrestled the new mattress into position. It wasn’t even as wide as an Earth single, but then there wasn’t much space for it anyway.

Rodney dropped onto it gratefully. “I’m incredibly tired, but that hasn’t dulled my amazement. You weren’t here an hour before you made things better.”

“Yeah, well, they had no right to treat you that way.” John wondered if he should press for details of what had happened and then Rodney yawned, making up his mind. “Let’s get some sleep.”

McKay peered at the narrow mattress and raised his eyebrows skeptically. “We might have to take turns.”

John lay down on his back and patted the bed next to his right side. “There’s room for both. Unfortunately, with my shoulder like it is there are only a couple of positions I can sleep in, but we’ll manage.”

Rodney crawled onto the mattress, but there wasn’t enough room for him to lie on his back, so John shifted onto his right side, facing the other man. They had been physically closer back in the cages but Rodney still seemed uncomfortable. John asked, “Are you okay with this?”

“Mmm, yes. It’s just strange. It’s been a while since I’ve shared a bed with anyone, for sleeping anyway.”

“Me too.”

It didn’t turn out to be a problem and they were both asleep within minutes. John awoke snuggled against Rodney’s side with his head pillowed on the convenient shoulder. McKay had one arm wrapped around John’s back while the other lay across his chest with the fingertips just touching John’s shoulder. It was really quite nice.

McKay mumbled something and drifted awake. He looked down at Sheppard and commented, “I’m afraid you’re going to be having a bad hair day, Major.”

“And this is unusual how?”

There was another tray of food waiting for them along with a straight razor for shaving. As Sheppard rubbed soap into his beard he considered McKay’s facial hair. It had grown in light brown and very smooth.

“You know, it’s almost a shame to shave that. You look like a beat poet.”

Rodney grimaced. “A poet? Well, it could be worse. You just look like a ruffian.” After he said that, he frowned and closed his mouth.

They actually felt much better clean shaven. It was a little bit of normalcy both were glad for. After returning the razor to a heavily armed guard, they sat down on the stools by the drafting table. Fyn’s largesse hadn’t extended to comfortable chairs just yet.

“Okay,” John began, “tell me about this project of yours.”

McKay’s mouth formed an almost perfect inverted U. “I wish you hadn’t promised Fyn that I would be able to do it. I don’t know if I can.”

Whenever he’d heard McKay say something like that in the past, he’d always turned around and done it anyway, so John wasn’t concerned.

“What’s so complicated that the great Dr. McKay can’t handle it?”

“That’s the point. It isn’t complicated. In fact, it’s exceedingly primitive.” He took a breath and began his explanation.

“This facility, these people call themselves the Greater Hershorn by the way, and I don’t want to meet the Lesser, is powered by hydroelectric turbines installed on nine different underground rivers. All are functioning, but the output isn’t enough to meet their needs. They want me to increase the efficiency of the energy production.”

“Well, after all your experience with Goa’uld, Ancient, Wraith, and all the other technologies, it should be a snap.”

Rodney scowled. “But that’s just it. I’m a physicist and an engineer, Major. Working with high-end, advanced technology is a pleasure. This,” he looked disgusted, “is mechanical. I may have studied this type of equipment in high school but I’ve never had any direct practice with it. Water turns rotor, belt or shaft from turbine runs electromagnetic generator, electricity comes out the other end, sure. What’s there to know? Also, what’s there to improve? Their generators, primitive as they are, function just fine within their capabilities. Without introducing these people to the next level of technology there isn’t much I can do, and I don’t like them well enough for that.”

John considered the problem. “I agree, we don’t want to help these bastards advance in any way, but there must be something you can do.” He leaned forward with a grin. “Their machinery may work well enough, but how many people in this galaxy could make it sing? Consider it a challenge.”

Rodney answered skeptically, “Make it sing? That’s like asking a Cordon Bleu chef to prepare a seven course French dinner in the kitchen of a McDonald’s with only the ingredients on hand. Maybe it can be done, but will the results be worth the effort? Make it sing.”

“Yeah. Come on, there’s a difference between a functioning motor and a purring one. Anyway, we only need to show enough progress to keep Fyn off our backs.”

“We?”

“I can help. I know my way around automobile and airplane engines, and that’s a lot closer to what we’re talking about than a ZPM, isn’t it?”

Eyebrows raised and lips pursed, McKay nodded. “It could work. It could also take the rest of our lives. There are nine of them, all installed at different times with different configurations.”

“We won’t be here long enough for that to matter.”

Rodney looked pointedly at John’s shoulder. “You’re considering another escape attempt.”

“Of course. I’m confident that without a Wraith sucking my life away I’ll be able to come up with a better plan. In the meantime, we survive.”

The nervous pallor returned. “Just don’t… don’t do anything to get into trouble. These people aren’t, well, subtle or restrained. And keep in mind that there are cameras on us. I don’t think they can hear, but they can see everything we do.”

“I’ll be careful, but we aren’t spending the rest of our lives here, Rodney.”

~~**~~

The days began to pass in a relatively pleasant manner as the pair studied schematics and crude statistics between naps. Their accommodation was far from luxurious, but basic needs were seen to, and in truth, from what little he’d seen, John didn’t think that anyone there fared much better. A change of clothes would have been very nice, though.

The nights were pleasant, too, such as they were. The lights dimmed but never went out all together. The room could get a bit warm and stuffy, so they tended to just wear their pants to bed, and grew accustomed to sharing the small space and allowing for their respective injuries.

John began to look forward to the opportunity to be close to Rodney. He knew that his feelings had moved beyond friendship, but his gaydar didn’t ping at all around the other man, so he kept a tight rein on it. It was clear that McKay enjoyed the physical contact too, so he didn’t feel like he was taking advantage.

One morning John awoke to find that he had insinuated himself quite a bit farther onto Rodney than he usually did. One leg was hitched right across Rodney’s thighs, far enough up that he could feel the base of a very hard erection. Pretty much just as hard as the one he was pressing into Rodney’s hip. Oops.

John realized that Rodney was awake and lying stiffly as though afraid to move. Oops, again. He lifted his leg away carefully and shifted back to rest on his side.

Rodney, staring intensely at the ceiling, abruptly started talking. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know why it happened, but it wasn’t intentional.”

Apparently he was more embarrassed by John being aware of his hard-on than the other way around. “It’s not a problem. Don’t worry about it.”

“You aren’t the least bit weirded out?”

John smiled and made a decision. “Nope. You see, Rodney, I’m bisexual. Another guy’s dick holds no shock value for me.”

“Really? You’re bisexual? I didn’t know that.” He seemed more curious than anything, which was a good sign.

“I’m in the Air Force. I don’t talk about it, or even do much of anything about it.”

“But you’re attracted to men?”

“Yup.”

“Um, so is that, you know, for me?” He motioned vaguely toward John’s groin. The very fact that Rodney was thinking about his penis made it twitch.

“Yes, but you don’t have to be concerned. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Rodney brushed it off. “Oh, I know that. But you’re attracted to me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you really, or is it just because we’ve been sleeping together like this?”

“Well, close bodily contact can have that effect, but I’m pretty sure with you it’s personal. What are you thinking?”

“Just wondering. Like, for instance, if you were trapped here with Teyla and sharing a bed, would you get, um, hard, for her?”

John almost laughed at Rodney’s compulsive need to analyze everything from as many angles as possible. He gave the question some thought.

“Hmm. I did say I was bisexual, and Teyla’s a beautiful woman, so yeah, it’s likely that being this close to her might provoke a boner or two.”

“Oh. How about Ford?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at least a little. “Ford really isn’t my type, but if he started something I’m not sure I would toss him out of bed, so I guess the answer is maybe.”

“So this,” another gesture toward John’s not-subsiding erection, “might just be due to the circumstances.”

“It could be, but there’s a difference. You are my type.”

Rodney sputtered. “Oh, right. Ford isn’t your type, and he’s cute.”

“And young and sweet, I know, but still not my type. My type is more mature, has more life experience. Someone I can be myself with, play around and laugh with without holding back. He or she should be a challenge to me, so we both stay interested. Somebody who’s an equal, who I can really count on. I’d have to be able to talk about anything and know they wouldn’t judge me. Someone like you.”

Rodney grew serious. “You think I’m all that?”

“I know you are. Underneath that pissy exterior, which I find pretty hot, by the way. I’m into you for all those reasons and because I just have a feeling. Something I can’t explain.”

“A feeling?” he prodded further.

John propped himself up on his elbow. “Hey, I like you, okay? I’d rather not have to elaborate on that if we’re just going to be friends. I would like to keep some small modicum of dignity, here.”

“You would want to be more than friends with me?”

The twenty-questions was getting a little old, especially since John was putting himself at such a disadvantage. The fact that Rodney’s hair was longer now and starting to curl a bit at the ends kind of made up for it, though. He looked awfully cute.

“Yes, I would, but like I told you, I would never do anything you don’t want. You should never be afraid of me, not even snuggled up like we get. I totally respect your feelings on this.” Rodney sighed and inspected the ceiling again, and John hoped he hadn’t blown everything. “Rodney, are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m…I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“I’m straight, you know? Always have been. I have a thing for tall, smart blondes with great breasts. To be with another man would be wrong.”

“You think homosexuality is wrong?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. Just for me, I mean. It’s how I was brought up. I’ve always known that I only swing one way.”

“That sounds pretty clear. What’s confusing you?”

The scientist took a deep breath. “It’s that this morning, when I woke up, I was hard and so were you. I felt, I wanted….”

“What did you want?”

“I wanted to press my cock against yours. Just for a second, before I stopped myself. It’s confusing. I’m not supposed to want that.”

John turned onto his back, half of him hanging over the edge of the mattress. Resting his head on Rodney’s upper arm, he joined in the contemplation of the ceiling.

“Don’t pressure yourself. I don’t believe that there really is any ‘supposed to’ about it, but it’s up to you. Like we were saying before, it may just be the presence of another body. On the other hand, you should know that it’s never easy to take that step. It may be less difficult for someone who knows from a young age that he’s gay, but even then it’s hard, with all the societal disapproval. It can take a while to accept, even just in yourself.”

“I don’t know. A lot of things I thought I knew about myself don’t seem to apply when it comes to you. Like how easy it was for me to get used to all the physical touching we’ve been doing. I’ve never, ever, been this close to a guy before. Not friends, not family. That must mean something.”

“It may just mean that I’m a big, cuddly teddy bear.”

Rodney chuckled. “You are that.”

“You don’t have to figure it out right now. Why don’t we see how it goes?”

“I don’t want to hurt you either, John. I don’t want to experiment on you or lead you on.”

“I’ll say this. I know where you’re at, and I could probably handle a little experimenting for a good cause. I’ll leave it entirely up to you. We can talk about it or not, whatever you want.”

McKay turned his head to look at John. He said with wonder, “You know, you really are a nice guy.”

“Hey! Don’t say that where anyone can hear you. You’ll ruin my image as a tough, macho, military mastermind.”

“Teddy bear.”

“Why you!” John snaked out an arm and tickled Rodney until he hit a bruise.

They went about their normal routine, but John caught Rodney looking at him speculatively more than once. He used his years of self-discipline to keep himself from getting his hopes up. The only hope he would allow was that their friendship wouldn’t suffer.

~~**~~

They chose the generator that they would begin with and called Fyn to let him know that they needed to inspect the actual site. Diagrams were no longer sufficient. It would be the first time they’d seen Fyn since the day John arrived, and Rodney grew progressively more nervous as the moment approached. John was fairly confident that it would be all right, as they’d been making progress in what the Superintendent had asked them to do.

Fyn walked in and looked them over. He said snidely, “I trust you find your lodgings adequate.”

John answered politely, “It is much improved, thank you.” There was no point in antagonizing the man unnecessarily. “We’re ready to go.”

“McKay will come. Sheppard will stay here.”

Rodney, who had been hovering behind John, stepped forward. “But we both need to inspect the site.”

“Only McKay.”

After a quick glance at John, Rodney tried again. “But he’s the one who…”

Fyn reached out and grabbed Rodney by the neck. John tried to get between them but a guard easily restrained him. He felt totally useless one-armed and weak.

Their captor was squeezing McKay’s windpipe while the scientist tried ineffectually to pry his fingers away. Fyn sneered, “Were you saying something, McKay? Were you arguing or contradicting me in any way?” Rodney made a brief shaking motion with his head as his face turned red. “Good. I thought we’d gotten past that. Don’t make me have to start all over again.” He released Rodney, who grabbed his throat and coughed.

John protested, “You didn’t have to do that. He was just trying to explain what we’re doing.”

Fyn stood silently and looked at Sheppard. After a moment he snapped to the guards, “Take McKay. I’ll catch up to you.”

As Rodney was pulled away he looked back at John, his eyes pleading for him to be careful. John said to him, “Just take good notes and you can talk me through it when you get back.” He tried to smile reassuringly.

When the group had gone, John was alone with Fyn and one guard who held John’s arm in a tight grip. The Superintendent circled them, observing John thoughtfully.

He said, “Sheppard. I don’t like your attitude. It seems like you still don’t grasp the situation, so I’ll put it in a way you can understand. McKay belongs to me. He’s mine to do with as I please any time I please. You belong to me, too. You’re alive on sufferance, and you don’t have anything to say that I want to listen to. Is that clear?”

Fuming inside, John looked straight ahead. “Yes, sir.” Basic training wasn’t his best memory, and as assholes went this guy was right up there with his drill instructor.

“Good, because if I have to repeat this, it won’t be you who suffers for it, it’ll be McKay. You open your smart-ass mouth and however angry you make me, that’s how much I’m going to hurt your little boyfriend. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You have anything else to say, Sheppard?”

“No, sir.”

“Just to make sure the lesson takes, I’m going to leave you with a little reminder.”

With that he drew back his fist and hit John in the chest, right over the sword wound. Hit him hard. He felt something give and pain like an electric shock radiated down his arm and through his gut. Gasping, John dropped to the floor. Fyn rolled him onto his back and pressed his boot heel down on the injury.

“You’re gonna remember this for a long time. I just know you are.” The heavy boot thumped him soundly, and John passed out.

~~**~~

“John? Jesus, John, this is what I was afraid of. You just had to get him angry, didn’t you? You have to learn. You have to be more careful. Don’t say anything at all if you don’t have to. Stay out of the way. Don’t make him mad. Don’t talk back. It’s the only way to be safe. Look what you’ve done to yourself.”

John opened his eyes and blinked up at the hovering Rodney, who sported a swollen and split lip that hadn’t been that way before. “No.”

“John! Are you all right? No, what?”

He cleared his throat, not feeling ready to move around yet. “No, I didn’t do this to myself. Fyn did it. And I didn’t do anything to deserve it. He’s a sadistic bastard who’ll invent an excuse to hurt someone, you or me. This isn’t our fault.”

“Right, sure. Can you sit up? I need to take a look at that.”

John peered blearily down at his chest and saw that his dirty beige shirt had a new stain. A significant amount of blood had seeped through, but it was mostly dry now, so that was good.

“I’ll need a hand.” Rodney was there supporting him as he slowly sat. The throbbing in his shoulder that had been lessening was back in full force. “God, that hurts.”

“I’m sure it does. Let’s get your shirt off and then you can lean against the table leg.”

Rodney pulled the roomy shirt over John’s head and started on the bandages. He clicked his tongue in disapproval when he saw the wound. “Damn. Some of the stitches tore out. The surgeon should replace them, but I don’t know what Fyn will do if we ask.”

“Just bind it shut. I’ll be careful not to open it. This really sucks. I was getting ready to unstrap my arm and start exercising it.”

“Well, that’ll have to wait now. It was too soon anyway.”

“I can’t wait much longer or the muscles will start to atrophy. When we get home the physical therapist is going to have a field day with me.”

“Well, that’s something to look forward to,” Rodney smiled weakly.

As Rodney re-bandaged the shoulder, John asked, “What happened to you?”

“Oh, Fyn was rushing me. I forgot and told him to wait. I got off easy this time.”

Mostly John tried to deal with what was right in front of him, with Rodney’s needs at the moment, because he got upset when he thought about what must have happened before. Every once in a while though, he couldn’t avoid it.

He frowned, “Rodney.”

To avoid the conversation the other man scuttled away with the soiled bandages to get them soaking. Later he would scrub them somewhat clean so that they could be used again.

Sheppard was tucked into bed and slept through until morning. They reviewed Rodney’s notes on the generator and worked on improvements, more because there was nothing else to do than out of dedication. Just sitting at the drafting table was tiring, and John had to face how much of a set-back this was in his recovery. It didn’t go at all with his plans, which in truth weren’t that far along anyway. He only knew he had to get them out of there before Fyn lost it and killed one or both of them.

~~**~~

A couple of days later John woke with another hard-on. This time he was lying on his back with Rodney curled against his side, still asleep. John gingerly eased his arm out from under his friend’s head and slid off the mattress, heading for the shower. He kicked off his pants and got under the tepid water, intending to discourage the inopportune arousal.

He could get wet waist down, but the water wasn’t cold enough to do much good and his erection demanded attention. John wrapped his experienced right hand around the straining organ and stroked lightly. It felt good, and he really wanted the release. It was hard to spend twenty-four hours a day within spitting distance of someone you were attracted to and not be able to do anything about it.

Admonishing himself not to think about Rodney, that was, of course, exactly what he ended up doing. As his mind wandered, the first things to appear into his imagination were Rodney’s eyes. They were so expressive; soulful, he thought. They viewed everything from their own unique perspective, including John. Below them was the unusually mobile mouth, which plunged and twisted with each thought and emotion.

He imagined what Rodney’s face would look like if it were near John’s cock. The scientist would intently inspect the organ as though it were a strange, alien life form. He might, though, flick his tongue out to taste the crown.

John’s breath hitched and his hand moved faster.

Maybe Rodney’s agile fingers would reach in to heft his balls, first one, then the other, trying to determine which was heavier. He would probably have to suck them into his mouth to get a good measurement of size.

John had been holding back for a long time, and it didn’t take any more than that. He moaned as his orgasm propelled a stream of semen onto the cement floor of the shower stall.

With a sigh, he rinsed his groin and the floor and shut off the water. Turning to leave, he found Rodney standing outside watching him. Turnabout was fair play, but awkward. John stopped, then casually walked over to where he had left his towel, aware of Rodney’s eyes on him the whole time. It was lucky that he had just come, or he’d really be giving the other man a show.

While Sheppard scrubbed himself dry, Rodney commented, “You do have a very nice body.”

John didn’t look up. “Yeah?”

“Yes. A little on the thin side, maybe, but nicely shaped. Very masculine.”

His back to the other man, Sheppard had to close his eyes and take deep breaths. Recent orgasm or no, he was starting to get hard again. He managed to say, “It serves its purpose.”

Suddenly he could feel the heat of Rodney’s body behind him. A hand tentatively rested on his shoulder. “John?”

Clutching the towel in front of his groin, he turned around. Those emotive eyes studied his face. “Rodney?”

“Would you mind if I kissed you? I think I would like to.”

His throat tight, John answered, “I wouldn’t mind,”

Rodney moved in slowly, angling his mouth toward John’s. Their lips touched, lightly at first, then Rodney pressed with more purpose. John felt heat suffuse his body.

His one good hand holding tightly to the towel, he couldn’t reciprocate when Rodney began to stroke up and down John’s arms. It was probably just as well, since he might have grabbed the other man too forcefully and scared him away. Rodney leaned closer and John felt an erection brush his knuckles.

He didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but didn’t know if it was the right thing. He pulled back slightly, panting, and let Rodney see the desire in his eyes. “How’s the experiment going?”

“Pretty well, I think. Of course, it hasn’t concluded yet.”

“Rodney, tell me what you want.”

“I’d like to go back to bed for a while. I’d like to lie down with you.”

John dropped the towel. He pulled Rodney in for another kiss, no longer trying to hide his arousal. He caressed up the other man’s back and palmed the nape of his neck, while devouring his lips. “Bed?” he suggested.

“This way.”

Rodney took his hand and led him back to the mattress. They lay down facing each other, inches apart. John was fully naked, but Rodney still wore his pants. Again, it was just as well, as it reminded John to take it slow. He was lying on his good side, which severely limited his dexterity, and asked, “Would you touch me?”

“Yes.”

Rodney brushed his fingers through John’s chest hair, exploring the curves of muscle and bone, before tracing his jaw line and lips. Then he lightly skimmed his fingertips along the outer edge of John’s immobilized arm, and dropped them to continue over his waist to his hip.

John growled with pleasure. The best part was that it seemed to be just as arousing for McKay. His eyes were dilated and his face flushed, the thin pants tented out in front. John inched closer and they both gasped when their erections met. Rodney gripped John’s ass and pulled him in tighter.

They began to buck against each other, seeking more contact, more friction. John murmured, “Pull your pants down some. It’ll be even better.”

Rodney complied, and then their erections were touching. McKay threw his head back and moaned, which drove John crazy. He could easily have climbed on top of Rodney and gone for it if it weren’t for his bad arm. As it was, he managed to maneuver his good hand between them to wrap around both their cocks. They thrust together into his fist.

He purred, “That feels so good, Rodney. So good. Show me you like it.”

McKay thrust faster and wrapped an arm around John, desperately pulling him closer. His face was beautifully contorted with need.

“Come for me, Rodney. Come for me.”

He did, with a hoarse cry, and semen spewed onto their chests. John’s hips jerked a few more times and he came as well, groaning Rodney’s name.

They rested, leaning against each other languidly as their breathing slowed. After a couple of minutes John asked, “So, are the results in?”

“Mmm. Fairly conclusive I would say. It appears that I swing more than one way after all. At least with you, John.”

Smiling, Sheppard gave Rodney a few peck kisses on the lips. It was irrational given the overall situation, but he felt very, very happy.

 

~~**~~

They continued working on their engineering project during the day and explored each other’s bodies at night. John got to find out exactly what it felt like to have Rodney’s mouth on him. The scientist may have been new to the practice but if there was one thing you could say about him, it was that he was a fast learner. It wasn’t a great surprise to find that Rodney was a lot of fun in bed when he was relaxed enough to be playful. John found himself having the best sex of his life, and they hadn’t even gone ‘all the way’ yet.

Eventually they had to call Fyn. John could identify more and more with what Rodney had been going through, and deep in his gut he felt he would prefer pretty much anything rather than to see their captor again. Mindful of the man’s threats toward McKay, John kept silent and let his friend do the talking, explaining the need to work with a machinist in constructing new parts for the generator. That part of the meeting went well and neither of them ended up being hurt, much to their mutual relief.

The low point, however, was that Fyn made it clear they were indeed being monitored, at night as well as during the day. He made a number of derogatory comments about their bodies and sexual techniques, especially Rodney’s, to which neither of them responded. Fyn eventually got bored with hearing himself talk and left.

The machinist turned out to be unlike anyone else they had met in this god forsaken community. He was friendly, jovial and loved his work. It was a pleasure for John to watch Rodney interact with someone with whom he could identify. He could see the spark was still there, if somewhat dampened.

One night John awoke with Rodney spooned up behind him, erection rubbing against his ass. Rodney was moving slowly and carefully, as though he didn’t want to wake John. As if.

Enjoying the feel of the other man’s arms around him and body undulating against him, John turned his head and said softly, “Go ahead.”

McKay stilled. “What?”

“If you want to, go ahead. Make love to me.” He wiggled his butt back into Rodney’s groin and was gratified to feel his lover’s cock jerk with enthusiasm. “I’d like to feel you inside me.”

They hadn’t done that before and Rodney was unsure. “John, I don’t know how. I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

“Hey, it’s easy. You know that jar of oil that came with dinner last week that we didn’t know what to do with? I put it in the drawer with the miscellaneous tools for this very thing. Oil yourself up, then it’s one finger, two fingers, three fingers, cock. I have every confidence that you’ll be able to figure it out, what with you being a genius and all.”

Rodney made a choking sound behind him.

“I won’t force you, McKay. If you don’t want to do it now, the offer stands open. I do want you that way, whenever you’re ready.”

“John, that sounds, god, I want it too. I can barely stand to think about what it would feel like to be inside you. It’s a big step, though.”

“Nah. The hard part’s over. After admitting that you wanted me at all, this is simple. It’s natural. Let nature take its course.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. Get a move on, McKay.”

Rodney scrambled off the mattress and padded over to get the oil. John was wearing his arm in a sling now instead of strapped down, but it was still awkward to lie on his stomach so he stayed on his side. They had given up sleeping with pants on and it was easy for him to just bend his top knee, exposing himself for his lover.

When Rodney came back, John could feel the nervous energy in him. “Relax, Rodney. Just make love to me.”

His lover applied himself to the task like he did everything, with complete concentration and plenty of unnecessary commentary. Several shared giggles later, Rodney began easing his cock into John. It was a bit painful at first, but mostly it felt exquisite. He was so used to not letting himself hope for this much that all of a sudden it hit him: Rodney McKay was fucking him. Miracles did happen.

McKay appeared to be quite pleased himself. As he began rocking in and out, he started making noises that John hadn’t ever heard before. Grunts and groans and moans and yelps flowed out of his partner. It didn’t take much encouragement from John for Rodney to go harder and deeper, clutching roughly with unbridled lust. Eventually it occurred to the genius to fist his lover’s cock, and then John was in absolute heaven. With the pounding, raw sex, finally, he began to vocalize as well.

“Fuck, yeah, Rodney. Give it to me. Give it to me good. Oh yeah, like that!”

Neither of them lasted as long as they might have liked, but when their orgasms hit they both shouted triumphantly. John rolled onto his back and Rodney crawled over him to nestle against his side. John thought it fucking ironic that in the middle of this hell-hole, he was the happiest he’d ever been.

~~**~~

By about three months into their enforced servitude the refit was complete and ready for testing. It was pretty smart of the Hershorn not to allow John and Rodney out of their room at the same time, but it was damn annoying for John to have to wait alone to hear how it went. He paced the limited confines of their slightly more elaborate cage, picking up and putting down small tools and scraping at the paint chips on the walls. Every time his team mate was out alone with Fyn, he worried incessantly.

Finally the door opened just long enough for McKay to be propelled in. John was relieved to see the pleased smirk on the scientist’s face when he held his hands up in dramatized amazement and chirped, “It worked!”

John grinned. “That’s great, McKay! Tell me all about it.”

“The turbine purred. The generator hummed. It sang! They wouldn’t let me stay to review the output readings, but it has to be better. I knew I could do it!”

“You?”

“Oh, you helped, too. I’ll admit it. You were useful sharpening pencils and such.”

Wow, a cheerful McKay was a real turn on. John cocked his head and said suggestively, “I think this calls for some celebratory sex. We’d better check out the friction created by your rod in my coupling. Even well lubricated it could set off some sparks.”

Rodney’s blue eyes darkened. “First thing tomorrow I’ll start teaching you naquadah generator terminology. I’ll be putty in your hands.”

They gravitated to each other and kissed and groped and rubbed ardently. John couldn’t believe how in love with this man he was. Not a year ago he wouldn’t have thought they could stand to be in the same room together for more than a few minutes, and now he didn’t want to let Rodney out of his sight or even out of his arms.

He was just about to say that out loud when the door clanged open. As the pair separated Fyn stepped into the room, a heated scowl on his broad face. He was followed by four guards. So not good.

The man stormed towards them and John shifted in front of his friend. “Is there something we can help you with, Superintendent?”

Fyn shoved Sheppard out of the way and two guards moved to hold him immobile. Their captor didn’t even pause before hitting McKay across the face with the back of his hand, sending him crashing into the drafting table. As he straightened up, John could literally see everything that had been gradually opening up on the man over the last few weeks start shutting back down. Rodney pulled himself behind his inner barriers and closed the gate.

Fyn shouted, “What the hell are you playing at, McKay? Did you think you could fool me? You’re a miserable waste of space.”

Looking at the ground, Rodney responded so quietly that John could hardly hear him, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t know what I mean? Yeah, well, I’m getting the idea that you’re an idiot. You said plant number four was upgraded. That’s a pile of crap.”

Now Rodney looked up, his brow furrowed. “Didn’t the output increase? I was sure it would.”

“Oh, it increased, all right. From 116 megawatts to 125. That’s seven damn percent! Seven percent!”

“Really, that’s good growth. I think it’s the absolute maximum efficiency for that set up.”

Fyn hit McKay on the jaw, making him stagger. The other two guards grabbed his arms and held him still. Fyn screamed into McKay’s face, “That’s not good enough! Do you have any idea how many resources have been expended on you? Food, equipment, manpower. I even brought you a damn fuck toy, and I’m still paying another department back for that. All for a lousy seven percent?” He slapped Rodney hard across the face. “Fix it better.”

McKay pleaded, “I don’t think it’s possible.”

“It had better be.”

From his position off to one side, John watched with alarm. He opened his mouth to intervene and Fyn looked over at him, waiting. Daring him to say something, anything. He could see it in the mad man’s eyes: he wanted John to speak. Not that he needed an excuse to hurt Rodney, it was just more fun that way. Sheppard closed his mouth.

With a growl Fyn turned back to Rodney and hit him in the stomach. The scientist doubled over as much as the guards would let him, coughing. Fyn grabbed his hair and pulled his head up.

“Tell me you’ll fix it more.”

“I’ll try. Whatever you want.”

“When can the other plants be finished? And they’d better improve more than this one did.”

“Um,” McKay gasped, “it’ll be a while. We started with the easiest generator to enhance. The others will take longer and may not show a greater increase in output.”

Fyn slapped him again and Rodney insisted desperately, “It’s the type of equipment it is! There’s only so much that can be done.”

Fyn’s entire demeanor changed. He grew still and his eyes bore holes through Rodney’s skull. He watched the man before him tremble for at least a minute, becoming colder all the time. Then he stepped closer and spoke quietly into McKay’s face, leaning around to let his breath brush his captive’s ear.

“So you’re telling me that after all this time, this is the best that the great Rodney McKay can do? You’re telling me that seven percent is as good as it gets? Is that right?”

Rodney mumbled, “Uh, I…”

“Because if that’s what you’re telling me, then we have a problem. I have a problem because my superiors will not be happy with me. But you, you’ll have a bigger problem. You’ll discover types of pain that you never even imagined existed. You’ll be begging me to let you die, and eventually, I will. No one makes a fool of Fyn.”

He wrapped his large hand around the back of Rodney’s neck and spoke with his lips pressed against his captive’s cheek. “Maybe you’re actually saying that you’ll work harder and get better results. Maybe you didn’t understand how serious I am about this. Maybe you’re just really dense. Is that it?”

Trying not to flinch and almost succeeding, McKay promised, “I’ll work harder. I’ll produce more. You can count on that.”

Fyn pulled back a bit and patted Rodney’s already reddened cheek roughly. “That’s good. Glad to hear it. But since you are so dense, I think that I’d better reinforce your position in the scheme of things. Yes, I think so.”

This calm Fyn was even scarier than the out of control maniac. John tried to step out of the guards’ grasp, but they held him firmly. Rodney hadn’t looked at him since Fyn came in. If he had, he would have seen that John was just as helpless as he was, and John hated that.

As Rodney stared at the floor, his eyes wide with fear, Fyn poked around in a couple of the cabinet drawers and returned with a length of rope. The guards forcibly pulled Rodney’s arms behind his back and tied his wrists together. Then they stepped away, leaving Rodney standing alone. He looked so vulnerable; restrained, disheveled and bruised.

The Superintendent paced slowly, looking McKay up and down with disdain. He resumed his chilling lecture. “McKay, you may think that you have some control in this situation, that you have some power. You don’t. You’re here to do what I want. Pleasing me is your only concern. Do you understand?”

Without raising his head, McKay nodded.

Fyn went on calmly. “No power. No control. Your brain won’t help you against me. If you don’t use it for precisely what I want, it’s worthless. If your brain is worthless, then I might as well crush your skull like an egg. Do you understand?”

McKay nodded again.

“I don’t think you do. I think you’re really dense. You still argue with me, even though you know exactly what it will get you. If you haven’t learned the lesson by now, then extreme measures might be necessary to drive it home. It’s for your own good, you can thank me later.”

Without further warning, Fyn hit Rodney in the face, then swept his feet out from under him, causing him to hit the floor hard without his hands to brace himself. John heard his head crack against the cement floor.

Fyn stood over McKay. “You’re nothing.” He kicked him in the stomach. “You’re worthless.” He kicked him in the back. “You’re pitiful.”

Rodney groaned and tried to curl up but there was no protection. John was nearly out of his mind with anxiety. He tried again to shake off his captors, but they continued to restrain him easily. The one on his left side grabbed his shoulder near the neck and dug his thumb into the slowly healing wound on his back. John stopped struggling, but ignored the pain, his total focus on what was happening in front of him.

Fyn said to the guards, “Get him up.”

They pulled Rodney to his knees and held him upright. Fyn grabbed the front of his shirt with one hand and pulled the other fist back.

John couldn’t stand it any more. He shouted, “Stop! This won’t get you what you want. He’s doing everything he can.”

Fist still in the air, Fyn looked at Sheppard with a broad smile. “So, the fuck toy speaks? Looks like you’re a slow learner, too. I told you what would happen.” He hit the kneeling man again. Rodney’s head snapped back then lolled forward and blood ran down the side of his face. Fyn’s grin was ugly. “Maybe you both will learn from a real lesson.”

Sheppard came as close to panic as he had in a long time, and that was saying something, when the big man loosened the front of his trousers, pulling out an already erect penis. Stepping forward he jerked Rodney’s head up by the hair.

John tried to lunge forward uselessly. “No! Hey, Fyn. Fuck toy over here, remember? Do it to me. I’ll do whatever you want!”

Fyn smirked. “That would defeat the purpose.”

Rodney’s eyes were glassy, but they were open and clearly aware of what was right in front of his face. He tried to turn his head away and struggled futilely against the guards. Fyn just repositioned his head with one hand and pried his jaw open with the other. Angling his hips, he shoved the stiff organ roughly into Rodney’s mouth.

“Now, this lesson will take, won’t it? You understand what you are. Nothing.” Rodney’s eyes were squeezed closed and he was clearly having trouble breathing as the man thrust into him. “What’s that? Are you uncomfortable? You know who cares? Nobody, that’s who.”

John cared. Did he ever. He wanted to look away, to give his friend that privacy, but he couldn’t. It was almost as if by willing it he could keep something worse from happening, which was nonsense. It was like watching the Wraith suck McKay’s life out of him, he was just as helpless. Sheppard couldn’t keep from struggling and the guard pressed harder into his injury. He cried out, as much for Rodney’s pain as his own.

Although it seemed forever, it wasn’t long before Fyn stilled and came into Rodney’s mouth, who had to swallow or choke. When Fyn pulled out, Rodney’s whole body sagged and he spit onto the ground. There was a glob of white come on his chin and John felt that he’d never wanted anything more in his life than to wipe it away.

Panting slightly, Fyn leered down at the man at his feet. He sneered, “That would have been better if you weren’t such a weak, useless piece of shit.” He then motioned to the guards with his head.

They lifted McKay to his feet and dragged him over to the drafting table. Fyn said, “That was just part one,” and they shoved him face down on the table, hands still secured behind his back. When the guards began to pull his pants down, Rodney started to thrash.

“No! Oh, god! Please, no. I’ll be whatever you want. I won’t say another word. I learned my lesson. You don’t have to do this!”

Fyn slapped his naked butt. “Maybe not, but I will anyway.”

The pain of his own struggles was getting to be too much to bear, but John couldn’t stop. He didn’t notice the door open until Fyn growled at the man who entered, “Not now!”

“Superintendent, sir, you’re needed. We’re under attack!”

“What? Fuck.” He pushed Rodney off the table onto the floor, where he curled into the fetal position. “We’ll finish this later.”

Tying his trousers closed, Fyn and the guards left, but not before one of them gave John’s arm a final twist. His vision blacked out and when it returned he was on the ground. Blinking, he looked up and saw that Rodney hadn’t moved.

~~**~~

Sheppard totally felt like hell. It was of absolutely no importance, however, since he had a lot to do. He forced himself up with one hand, the other swinging uselessly in the sling, sending jolts of agony through his body. Not important, he repeated to himself.

He stumbled over and fell to his knees beside Rodney, whose eyes were open and staring. John wasn’t sure if he was seeing anything, if he was in there anymore at all. He stroked Rodney’s temple gently.

“McKay. Hey, Rodney, babe, it’s me. Come on back now, okay? I need your help.” Inside, he kept up a mantra of, ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.’

His friend’s eyes focused a bit more, but he didn’t respond. John set about making himself useful and one-handed managed to drag the pants back up over Rodney’s hips. Then, placing his hand on McKay’s shoulder, he shook the man firmly.

“Can you get up now? I need you to get up. I know it’s bad, but please, Rodney, help me out here.”

The blue eyes turned to him, but the face remained expressionless. Rodney’s hands were still bound, so John hauled him up with as much force as he could. It was enough to get the other man sitting listlessly on his own. Sheppard used his thumb to clean the white streak off his face and wiped in onto his own trousers.

“Good boy, Rodney. Stay there.” That command was pretty much unnecessary, but John wanted McKay to hear his voice. “I’m going to get you untied.”

Scrambling to his feet again, John went directly to where he had hidden the metal file that he had been surreptitiously sharpening in the spirit of all good jail-break movies. With that he began sawing at the rough cord around Rodney’s wrists.

He kept talking. “They said there was an attack. I just hope it isn’t the Wraith coming to pick up old Dick. Did you ever wonder if these people don’t realize that the Wraith have some psychic connection with each other? Did they think they could just keep one here indefinitely? To tell you the truth, they aren’t exactly the smartest people I’ve ever met.” Not the best topic, maybe, but Sheppard’s mouth was running on its own.

The cord broke through and he took a moment to look into Rodney’s face. The man was there, but not willing to come out yet. John cupped his jaw with one good hand and leaned in to kiss Rodney on the forehead. Feeling him tense, he said, “You’re going to be okay. Remember plan number one? Survive. You’re surviving. You’re doing great. I need you to stand up now.”

John got to his feet and tried to pull Rodney up, too. At first there was no movement, then McKay slowly climbed up and leaned on the drafting table.

Sheppard praised, “Good. Now we need to get out of here. If it is the Wraith I don’t want to just sit here, and if it’s something else then this is our best chance. I bet you’re wondering how I plan to open that door, aren’t you?”

No answer.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about this, and voila!” He dug an instrument out of a drawer that looked like a cross between a paint scraper and a spatula. “Let’s see what it can do.”

He led Rodney closer to the door and bent to fit the thin blade into the crack. It went in, and he began working it up toward where he expected to find the bar. It hit something and he smiled at McKay, who didn’t look impressed, or even interested. Wiggling the blade, he tried to lift the bar. The tool slid off and up the crack.

“No problem. We’ll try again, huh?”

He tried again and the same thing happened. The blade wasn’t long enough or strong enough. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“So we’ll use something else. You have any ideas?”

McKay looked at the door with a frown.

“You think about it.”

John was turning to look for an alternate tool when he heard the bar slide up. Jumping in front of Rodney, he crowded the other man back and felt hands lock onto his sleeves. The door swung open and a face smiled at them.

Ford. It was Ford. John stared back.

The young lieutenant raised his eyebrows. “Hi there, Major. You ready to go home?”

Sheppard’s mouth fell open. “Ah.”

Ford held out a Beretta. “You might want this.”

John took it and slid it into his sling. “Ford.”

“Teyla’s waiting down the hall. We really should go.”

John turned to find McKay looking quizzically at their team mate. He led the scientist forward and Aiden’s smile faltered. John had no doubt that he’d never seen the doctor this damaged before. Not only was he bleeding and bruised, but both of them were wearing clothes that had been hand scrubbed in the shower, topped by hair that had been hacked at with a straight razor. He said, “We’ve had a bad day. Let’s go.”

As they hurried down the corridor, he heard an explosion in the distance. Ford explained, “That’s Bates and Stackhouse. They have teams creating a diversion.”

At the corner they encountered Teyla holding a P-90 on a group of cowering civilians. She looked John and Rodney over quickly and frowned with concern.

John said, “Good to see you, Teyla.”

“I am likewise glad to see you again, Major. Doctor.”

They trotted down the corridor, with John at first guiding Rodney with an arm around his back, but the other man quickly adjusted to the pace. John kept a hand on his elbow just to make sure they didn’t get separated. When they started to ascend some stairs, they had to slow down. Neither of them was up to any athletic sprinting, but it did feel good to be out of that room and going somewhere. Anywhere.

Teyla was her usual athletic self, but he noticed that Ford was limping slightly. Not feeling entirely up to speed, John thought he should be asking about what had happened to them, but didn’t have it in him to make the effort. For now he was happy just to be safely in their hands.

The staircase ended with a door to the exterior and John was stunned by the sudden sunshine. When his eyes adjusted he saw that Rodney’s eyes were closed but his face was turned up toward the warm light. He looked like he might cry. John put his arm around him again and pulled him close.

“We’re going home, Rodney.”

McKay looked at him then, sad but present. He said, “Home. That’s good.”

Sheppard hugged him. “That’s very good.” Their other two team mates were watching them with alarm. He shook his head. There would be time to talk later. “Which way?”

Teyla said, “Follow me,” and Ford spoke into his radio arranging to meet the other teams back at the Stargate.

As they moved down a meadow path Rodney suddenly said, “You’re not dead.”

John explained, “We didn’t know what happened to you. We thought maybe….”

Ford grinned again. “We’re alive because of Teyla.” He launched into an explanation without stopping very often to breathe. “I got hit but Teyla pulled me into this defensible rock formation and held the attackers off. They couldn’t get us and I guess they got tired so they left. They took you both with them but we couldn’t do anything. I was pretty much passed out and Teyla couldn’t leave me there alone to go after you which really sucked. She practically had to carry me back to Atlantis. We saw the tracks and knew you all went through the ‘Gate but of course we didn’t know to where.”

John’s head was starting to spin, but Ford rushed on. “We didn’t have a clue where you were. I was in the infirmary for a while, but everybody else was looking. We contacted everyone we knew but the guys that grabbed you could have been anyone and we didn’t find out anything for a long time. Finally last week we heard from a trading partner who heard from a trading partner who heard from the Genii that you’d been seen here. Then we just had to make a plan and it worked out great. We captured one of the inhabitants here topside and we didn’t have to threaten him at all to get him to tell us where you were. A simple bribe and he spilled everything he knew. So here we are,” he finished triumphantly.

Feeling even more exhausted just listening to that, John raised an eyebrow. “How much further?”

“We are almost to the Stargate, Major,” Teyla answered. “You will be home very soon.”

Rodney slowed down and John stopped with him. Their normally boisterous, demanding scientist looked scared to death.

“Rodney,” he said, drawing his friend’s attention. “Everybody’s going to be so glad to see you. Let them take care of you. I’ll be right there the whole time. If you need me, just say so, okay?”

McKay studied his face then nodded. They caught up to Teyla and Ford, and John asked quietly, “Try to see that he doesn’t get crowded, would you?”

Teyla looked uncharacteristically dewy-eyed. “You will both be treated as the precious treasures that you are.”

That almost undid John on the spot. Luckily, the next face he saw was Bates’, which brought him right back down to earth. After terse greetings, the ‘Gate was dialed and they stepped through to Atlantis.

~~**~~

Ford and Teyla did a good job keeping back the mob that wanted to welcome home the prodigals. Weir, Grodin and Zelenka were right there, and half the technical team appeared within seconds. The only one who actually got through was Dr. Beckett, which was just as well. Rodney seemed to be slipping back into shock and huddled apprehensively into John’s side.

They were whisked directly to the infirmary, where John insisted that they remain together during their examinations. Carson treated McKay, who was giving one word answers to questions, with kid gloves. When Rodney was bathed and bandaged and asleep in the next bed, Sheppard finally gave in himself. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his one good arm around them, and cried.

~~**~~

When John woke he could see Rodney still asleep across the aisle. There was an IV line attached and his face was a better color underneath the new bruises.

Dr. Beckett came over and smiled down at John. “Welcome back, lad. Did you have a good sleep?”

“I guess. How about Rodney?”

“He’s been having nightmares, and woke up a couple of times, but he’s resting well just now.”

“How is he?”

“I can’t really discuss his condition with you until I’ve had a chance to talk to him about it.”

“Look, doc, it isn’t like I don’t know what happened to him. I just want to hear that he’s going to be all right.”

Beckett looked at him warmly. “He’s going to be all right. He’s lost too much weight, so I’ll be feeding him up, and you too by the way, but other than that he mostly has a mild concussion and deep bruising that will heal with time. So physically he’ll be fine. Emotionally, that’s another question.” The doctor watched John carefully.

“Yeah, it is. Look, Carson, about before….”

“Not to worry. You’ve been under a lot of stress and having a good cry is a better way than most to relieve it. All quite normal.”

John couldn’t believe that Beckett was being so understanding. He’d held John and rocked him until he’d fallen asleep, and now he wasn’t even going to make a big deal out of it. It felt wrong and made him nervous. Sheppard realized that he was having culture shock. Carson was being nice to him and he wasn’t used to that anymore. It wasn’t right.

The doctor queried, “Don’t you want to ask how you’re doing?”

“I know how I am.”

“Do you now? Did you know that you have a mild infection releasing alien toxins into your blood? You’re a very lucky man that it isn’t any worse. I can’t say that I think much of the quality of medical care you’ve been receiving.”

John agreed, “It was pretty minimal.”

“Well, you boys will be staying right here with me for another day or so, but after that you should be up and around.”

“Boys? Makes it sound like you have a couple of decades on us. We’re about the same age, aren’t we?”

The doctor’s eyes softened. “Aye, Major, but it’s an attitude rather than an age. I look after you as if you were me own.”

John’s chest felt tight, and Beckett took pity on him.

“The nurse’ll be bringing you something to eat and then you’ll be wanting to get some more sleep. Everything’ll be fine now.” With a pat on the arm he left John alone.

His eyes turned back to McKay. Everything would be fine? It was almost too much to hope for.

~~**~~

True to his word, the doctor released them the next day. While still looking a bit peaked, Rodney was now speaking in complete sentences. He was far from his old self, however, and rarely initiated any interaction. He and John hadn’t been alone together or really talked since before Fyn’s last attack, and that made him anxious. He didn’t know what was going on in Rodney’s head.

As soon as they were free they were summoned to a long delayed debriefing. There was a full table waiting for them, with Weir, Teyla, Ford, Zelenka, Bates, and Beckett in attendance.

They were asked to recount what had happened and Sheppard did most of the talking, with Rodney called on to confirm or clarify occasionally. He kept it simple. Wraith food, separation, escape attempt, hospital, reunion, engineering project, rescue. The group was silent when he finished, probably aware that there was a lot left out.

Eventually, Ford asked, “So how did the Genii scientist know you were there?”

John shook his head. “We don’t know. Maybe he was told about the captive Wraith and saw us on the monitor. Maybe someone mentioned our names. No one ever said.”

Elizabeth wondered, “Isn’t the fact that the Genii are a technologically advanced society a secret? What was a scientist doing there?”

Teyla suggested, “The Genii trade with many cultures. It would be wise for them to include technicians in negotiating parties so that they could evaluate what else might be of use.”

Rodney snapped, “Yes, obviously they…” and closed his mouth again. John watched him intently, but nobody else seemed to notice the aborted comment and the conversation continued. Sheppard touched his arm.

He said quietly, “Rodney, it’s all right. You can say whatever you want here and no one will hurt you.”

Quiet as he’d been, everyone heard. They fell silent and stared at the two of them with concern.

Rodney glanced at him angrily and looked around the table. Then, eyes lowered, he stood.

“Sorry, I just remembered something I have to do.”

He bolted from the room and John rose to follow. Weir’s voice stopped him.

“Major, please stay. You can go after him in a minute.” He sat and glared at her unhappily. Unfazed, she continued, “I’d like you to tell us more about what happened, particularly with regard to Dr. McKay. It’s important that we know.”

Sheppard frowned but reluctantly complied. “I don’t think he would thank me for going into detail. Let’s just say that on top of becoming better acquainted with Wraith dietary practices than anyone should ever be, we’re talking beatings, torture, intimidation, humiliation. A lot of it happened while we were separated, but I saw enough. The man’s been through hell.”

Weir nodded. “I see. And you, John?”

“What happened to me was nothing in comparison.”

“This from a man with a near fatal hole through his chest?”

“Look, I got this injury trying to escape. It’s a whole different thing when over a long period of time someone is hurting you just because they enjoy it.”

“And you had to watch?”

“Yes, I couldn’t do anything but watch,” he retorted angrily, not liking the conversation at all. “Where are you going with this?”

“John,” Elizabeth leaned forward sympathetically, “I think we all understand that it’s going to take time for Rodney to recover. We’ll do whatever we can to help and we’ll be as patient as he needs us to be. What I want you to know is that the same goes for you. Just because your experience was different, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have some healing to do as well. We’re here for you, too.”

Sheppard glowered. “I’m fine.”

She didn’t push it. “I’m sure you will be. Now, I understand that you don’t want to go into detail about what happened with all of us, but I’d like you to talk to Carson. As Rodney’s doctor he needs to know as much as possible, and I don’t think Rodney is quite up to giving him that information yet. I’m sorry, but that leaves you.”

John slumped in his chair. Telling anyone what happened felt like a betrayal, but she had a point. It was a matter of McKay’s health, which was John’s responsibility. “All right. I’ll talk to Carson. Can I go now?”

Weir gave her permission and John didn’t look at anyone on the way out. He couldn’t stand having all their eyes on him and just wanted to be alone for a while. He thought about looking for Rodney right away, but didn’t feel ready. Instead, he headed for one of his favorite balconies not far from the inhabited areas but rarely visited.

John sat with his back against the wall and let the sea breeze wash over him. He could do this, he assured himself. He’d survived the captivity, he could survive being home.

~~**~~

“So, Major, did you find Rodney?”

“I decided to get this over with first.”

The doctor nodded and said briskly, “Right, we can talk in my office.”

‘Office’ was generous. John suspected the space was intended as a closet, but it did have a door that closed which was the important part. He sat with his knees jammed against the small desk and eyed the doctor warily.

The affable Scot began, “I know it is unusual to ask one patient to talk about another, but in this case I think Dr. Weir is probably correct. Compelling Dr. McKay to speak in detail about his experiences at this point might be counterproductive. Are you willing to do this for him?”

Sheppard nodded sullenly. He would do it, but he didn’t have to like it.

“Okay, then why don’t we start at the beginning.”

John told him about what the encounter with the Wraith had been like. Reliving it was no picnic for him, and he began to feel better about sparing Rodney the task. Then he described in detail Rodney’s physical condition when John had joined him in the workroom and finished with the later beatings.

“Thank you, Major. That was quite helpful.” Then the doctor prodded, his dark eyes clear and direct, “I do have the feeling that you’ve left some things out.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Please remember that this is confidential information available only to me as Rodney’s doctor. To make it easier, if there’s something you want to tell me privately I’ll not even write it in the file.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Beckett looked at him sadly. “I have to ask bluntly, lad. Was Dr. McKay sexually assaulted?”

John’s eyes widened and his lungs didn’t seem to want to function. “Why do you ask that?”

“As a doctor I’m trained to interpret certain signs. I’ve spoken with Rodney and his reactions are concerning me. I know this is unpleasant, but accurate information will help me know how to approach him.”

Ugly images crowded John’s head and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again Beckett was still there, watching him patiently. He supposed he didn’t really have a choice about this.

“Okay, yes, he was sexually assaulted. But not, you know…”

“He wasn’t raped?”

“I’m not sure what the definition is. It wasn’t, you know, the whole thing.”

“He wasn’t anally penetrated.”

Damn clinical bastard. “No. Fyn beat him so he couldn’t even fight, then used his, ah, mouth.”

“I see. Is there anything else?”

“He was going to do more, but Ford brought the cavalry over the hill just in the nick of time. It was damn close.”

“So this assault happened right before you came home?”

“Not more than an hour before you had us in the infirmary.”

“That explains a lot. Thank you, Major, this is very helpful.” Then he continued, “And yourself?”

“Myself, what?”

“Were you sexually assaulted?”

Anger boiled inside him. “Is that what this is about? Trying to trick me into admitting something?”

The doctor was gentle but frank. “Not trick you, but make it easier for you, yes.”

“Well, I wasn’t sexually assaulted. You got that wrong.”

“John, you may not remember everything clearly, but when you were brought in you were given a thorough physical examination. There were indications…”

“Listen to me say this: I was not sexually assaulted.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let this go. You’ll have to talk to me, son, and the sooner the better.”

John took a deep breath and forced himself to state calmly, “Yes, I have recently experienced anal penetration, as you put it, but no, it wasn’t involuntary.”

Beckett’s eye’s widened with surprise. “Oh? You mean that you and..,”

“Me and McKay, yes. Do you want all the juicy details?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. You’ve put my mind at ease. The routine blood work done on both of you included STD tests, which were negative, so that’s not a worry. We’ll have to do another one on Rodney in a couple of months, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Sheppard was startled that it was going to be dropped that easily. “Uh, no, I think we’ve covered everything.”

“All right, then. I’ll thank you very much for your help and send you on your way. Please remember, though, John, that you can talk to me any time you need to. About anything at all. I like to think that I’m your friend as well as your doctor.”

There he was being nice again. “Uh, yeah, thanks Carson.”

He escaped quickly and walked the halls in a daze. Ending up somehow in his quarters, John fell into an exhausted sleep.

~~**~~

It was evening before John actually started looking for McKay. The scientist was sitting alone in his lab doodling on a piece of paper. He jumped when John stepped closer, but then ignored him.

“Rodney…”

“Major Sheppard. What can I do for you? Maybe you wanted to embarrass me some more.”

“Look, I’m sorry about that in the meeting. I just wanted to help.”

McKay looked up at him coldly. “I don’t need your help.”

That hurt. “I, okay. I thought that I should tell you I talked to Beckett. I told him what happened.”

“You what? You had no right.” Rodney’s back stiffened.

“Weir ordered me to. Besides, he’s your doctor, he needed to know.”

“Weir? So have you been sharing my little secrets with everyone?”

“No, just Carson. I’m sorry. I didn’t do enough to help you then and I want to do the right thing now.”

Rodney went back to scratching his pen across the paper and said nothing.

“I…I feel responsible. I want to make it up to you.”

Slapping his pen down, McKay asked, “By what stretch of the imagination are you responsible?”

“It’s my job to protect you, Rodney. You’re the important one. You’re the one who can figure things out. You and the other scientists will be the ones to find a way to defeat the Wraith. I’m just the muscle. I’m supposed to keep you safe. If I can’t do that, what am I for? What the hell am I for?”

There was something painful boiling in John’s chest and he knew he’d exposed too much of it. Rodney shouldn’t have to put up with his whining.

McKay was staring at him, distress written across his face. He said, “I don’t know, Major. What are you for?” John couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen, but he could see that Rodney was suffering too. The scientist was shaking, and said, “Ignore me. I can’t do this right now. Please leave me alone.”

Sheppard fled the lab, though there wasn’t any place else he wanted to be. He felt so fucking messed up. He knew it was post-traumatic stress, sure. Knowing that didn’t help. He wondered if he would ever be able to pull himself together.

~~**~~

The days passed uneventfully. As predicted, he had a regular routine of physical therapy to endure, and he slept a lot during the day. He was plagued by dreams in which Fyn and Dick’s faces would shift and blend, coming at him from all directions, and he couldn’t move or speak. He would wake in a cold sweat with a pillow clutched to his chest.

At night he lay awake or took walks. It was time when he could do as he wanted, with no one’s expectations weighing on him. He would lose himself for hours just looking at the stars.

People started to avoid him, which was all right with John. He only had one good arm, but that didn’t mean everybody had to keep offering to carry things for him or hold his chair. Why would someone he’d never even spoken to walk right up and ask how he was? It was damn irritating.

Rodney seemed to be functioning better, though that wasn’t saying much. He was busy studying what the scientific team had been working on in his absence, but couldn’t seem to stand having actual people around. Radek was the only one he didn’t totally freeze up with, and even then he remained timid. He tended to pretend that he didn’t see John at all.

Several days after their return Elizabeth called another meeting. A good representation of military, scientific and civilian department heads were there, along with the rest of John’s team. Their leader started right in.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming today. I know you’re all very busy, but there’s an important issue that needs to be discussed, and I think it best to get everybody’s input right away. It’s something that we’ve been peripherally aware of, but can no longer ignore given the recent experience of Dr. McKay and Major Sheppard.”

John and Rodney glanced at each other across the table in alarm. What was this about?

She went on, “We know that the Wraith have been limiting human technological development in the Pegasus Galaxy much like the Goa’uld have done in our own. This means that we, as far as we know, may be the most scientifically advanced people here.

“While Dr. McKay and Major Sheppard’s abduction was in this case coincidental, once their captors found out who they were, they forced Dr. McKay to use his knowledge for their own purposes. I hate to say it, but it may well happen again.”

John looked at Rodney to see how he was handling the suggestion that he could have to face that again and wasn’t surprised to find him white as a ghost. He tried to interrupt, “Dr. Weir…”

She continued anyway, “I think we would all agree that Dr. McKay is our best mind, which makes him almost by definition the most valuable scientist in the galaxy. He’s also the most high profile and thus a better target. He isn’t the only one, though. There are many cultures out there that could make use of any of our scientists. The opportunity to be raised and educated on Earth gives us an advantage nobody here has had, that we yet know of.”

She looked at the faces around the room. “The question before us is what to do about that. Rodney was taken on a routine field mission. What I want to know from you is whether the benefit is worth the risk of having our irreplaceable scientific personnel participate in field work. Should initial exploration and first contact be handled by military and civilian teams, including the Athosians,” with a nod to Teyla, “with the scientists only brought in after a situation has been secured? True, remaining on Atlantis is no guarantee of safety, but it does reduce the threat.”

It was a pretty damn good question, and one that John had tried to avoid thinking about too much. He hated the idea of Rodney not being on his team.

Elizabeth concluded, “I don’t want to open discussion on this now. I’d like everyone to give it some serious thought and bring your concerns and ideas to a follow-up meeting in two days. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves, but I want to hear every viewpoint, popular or not. This won’t be an easy decision to make. Thank you, and I’ll see you then.”

Rodney was one of the first out the door, but John lingered. When only he and Elizabeth remained, he asked, “Did you have to do that? Some warning would have been nice. You freaked Rodney out.”

“I know I did, John, but it is unavoidable. In fact, we’re going to have to know soon whether Rodney will be able to resume his role as chief of the scientific department at all, much less continue to do field work. That will be my decision, but his too. I want him to have an opportunity to answer that for himself. I believe he has it in him to rise to this challenge and I want him to have the chance.”

John found himself, as he often did, concluding that she was probably right. Sheppard’s protective instincts with regard to McKay might not always serve the scientist’s best interests. He was a grown man and had surprised John time and again with his hidden strength. He was just sorry that Rodney had to keep doing it.

~~**~~

John found Rodney where he always was these days, in his lab. He wondered if it felt more familiar than the open spaces after their enforced confinement. The other man wasn’t glad to see him.

“What do you want, Major?”

“Can’t we talk, Rodney? Please?”

“About what?”

John sighed. McKay was going to make him work for it.

“I think we have a lot to talk about. Everything that happened between us on that planet. We can’t just ignore it.”

“I don’t see why not. What happened there can stay there.”

“Why should it? Come on, Rodney, not all of it was bad. What about the good stuff that went on between us?”

McKay’s chin stuck out obstinately. “What happened between us was entirely situational. You were stuck with me as literally the last man on Earth. You made due. I wasn’t thinking straight. That’s all there was to it.”

It shocked John to hear that. “Is that what you think?” He moved directly in front of McKay so the man couldn’t ignore him. “Look at me, Rodney. Look me in the eye and tell me you believe that I was taking advantage of your vulnerability to get sex. Is that what you think of me?”

Rodney didn’t raise his head. “Sorry. Forget I said anything.”

John’s shoulders slumped and he softened his tone. “I’m not angry at you. I’m asking because I really want to know. Do you think you mean nothing to me?”

McKay looked around the room but not up at John. “No, not exactly. I just think that here, where there are more options, you can do better. ”

Sheppard found a chair and sat down facing Rodney. “Contrary to what you seem to believe, that isn’t in any sense true. First of all, I had plenty of time at Atlantis before this happened to scope things out. No one here interests me but you. You’re my type, remember?”

Skeptical but curious, Rodney peeked at him. “No one else?”

“No one. I haven’t exactly been sleeping my way through the personnel files. I’ve known I wanted you for a while.”

“Why didn’t you say something, then? If we hadn’t been trapped like that, would you ever have approached me?”

“I don’t know. I like to think I would have had the guts to do it sometime. It doesn’t matter, though, because this is what happened. If we hadn’t been trapped like that you might never have given us a chance, but I’m not worried about it. We found something good with each other, no matter why. I don’t want to lose it.”

Rodney looked at him then, looked him in the eye in a way he hadn’t for a long time. The face was forlorn, but John saw in it everything he had fallen in love with. Rodney McKay, complicated, infuriating, brilliant. His friend.

“Rodney, if you’re having second thoughts about being lovers, I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but I know things were kind of crazy and you may need some space to think it through. But please, you’re more to me than that. You’re my best friend, you moron. I want that back. I miss you.”

Frowning uncertainly, McKay swallowed. “But, after what happened, you couldn’t still want me.”

“I’ve been trying to tell you that none of it was your fault. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Fyn was a sociopath, a monster. He was disgusting, not you. I love you, Rodney, and I want you. Nothing that happened there changes that. In fact, your strength makes me love you even more.”

“My strength? I must have missed that part. What I remember is cowering and sniveling, not something to be particularly proud of.”

“You did what you had to do to survive and I’m very proud of you for that. Not everyone would have been able to adapt.”

He could see Rodney thinking, almost watch the wheels slowly turning and clicking into place. John held his breath waiting for the response.

It wasn’t what he expected. The other man stood up, walked over to where John was sitting, and straddled his lap. Sliding his fingers into John’s hair, Rodney kissed him, then murmured, “I miss you too. I couldn’t believe you would want me, but you do, don’t you? Just demonstrates your extraordinary lack of judgment.”

John was elated. He finally had Rodney’s body next to his again, just where it should be. Instant relief of the withdrawal symptoms. The man on his lap shifted his hips until it was confirmed that yes, they were both equally hard.

He grinned widely. “I may be a fool, Rodney McKay, but I’m your fool.”

“Oh, pu-lease. Try not to become maudlin.” Rodney kissed him again, which John thought a very good way of punctuating a conversation.

After letting their lips and tongues become reacquainted, McKay grew serious again. “John, what you said the other day, about feeling you’d let me down, you didn’t. You saved me. I would have died and we both know it. I, for one, won’t be forgetting the man who fed himself to a Wraith for me anytime soon. Or the man who risked his life to get improved living conditions out of Fyn. The man who gave me hope just by being there.”

John chuckled. “And I, for one, think we should cut the Hallmark moment and get back to the kissing.”

“Yes, every once in a while you actually have a good idea.”

Things escalated from there, and before long John found himself in his room, on his back with his legs in the air. Rodney made love to him with a desperate intensity that drove John wild. That night they both slept without nightmares.

The next morning they made love again, and Sheppard started to think that everything would be back to normal soon. Of course, it wasn’t that simple. The stuff they had to work out individually and together wouldn’t just go away.

When they were dressed, John pulled Rodney to him for another kiss, cursing his still useless arm. He wanted to hold his lover with all he had.

That was until voices sounded outside the door. Then he jumped away as though he’d received an electric shock. Rodney stared at him, hurt on his face. John blushed. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that.

“Geez, I’m sorry.”

Stoic McKay answered, “That’s all right. I can understand why you wouldn’t want anyone to know about us.”

“No, you don’t understand. It isn’t you, it’s that I’ve spent the last several years trying so hard to keep anyone from seeing that side of me, it’s not easy to let it go. It meant dishonorable discharge.”

“Why are you pursuing this with me now, then?”

“Well, of course things are different here. They can’t really kick me out, no matter what. But it’s more than that. You’re worth the risk.”

Rodney acknowledged thoughtfully, “They can’t kick you out but it’s still a risk.”

“I’m still military. I have to maintain respect or lose authority.”

With a twitch of the lips Rodney nodded. “I can understand that. The military mind is quite limited.”

John frowned, not sure whether to be insulted or not.

His lover went on agreeably, “We’ll be circumspect. A secret affair concealing a grand passion. Yes, that will work.”

“Sure. Just us like we always were, only better because we’ll know the truth.”

“Major Sheppard, I was just on my way to breakfast. Would you care to join me?”

“Why, yes, Dr. McKay. I’m feeling a bit peckish.”

“Peckish? You’ve been picking up British slang from Carson, haven’t you?”

“It rubs off whether you want it to or not.”

With a swagger, Rodney leered, “I would have something to say about rubbing off, but we’re about to go out in public.”

John leaned in close. “Hold that thought.”

Just being with Rodney, talking to him, lifted John’s spirits. And Rodney seemed relaxed, smiling even, right up until they entered the commissary. Then the unease returned.

They sat down to eat, which Rodney hadn’t done in public since getting home, but their conversation dropped off sharply. Then they returned to their normal daily schedules. It seemed different to Sheppard, though, like they were finally getting back on track.

~~**~~

The next day the same group assembled to continue the meeting. Before they began, John asked permission to say something. Given the floor he straightened his spine and took a deep breath.

“I know that since I’ve been back I haven’t been easy to get along with. I’ve been kind of abrupt with several of you.”

Ford pursed his lips. “I would have said snarly. Sir.”

Dr. Grodin contributed, “Or surly.”

Beckett offered, “I was thinking churlish, myself.”

John had to smile. “Okay, cut it out you guys. I’m trying to say that I’m sorry for being abrupt. You’ve all been great, and I’m going to try to be on better behavior. If I slip up it’s nothing personal.”

Dr. Weir thanked him for his gracious act of contrition and opened the floor for comments on the designated topic.

The question of the role of the scientists was critical and John wasn’t surprised when Sgt. Bates spoke first. The man was downright dour.

“As head security officer I take this very seriously. Our resources are limited in all areas, but as Dr. Weir pointed out the scientific knowledge we brought from Earth is, at this point, irreplaceable. We should keep in mind, too, that if Dr. McKay or one of the others were forced to use their knowledge of this city against us, the consequences could be catastrophic, especially since many of them have had the ATA gene therapy. I strongly advise keeping these people in our most defensible location- in other words on Atlantis. I consider exposing them to capture by potential enemies to be an unacceptable risk.” There were murmurs of agreement from several people.

Dr. Zelenka took the floor next, in favor of involvement with field teams. John smiled when the small, mousy man’s main point seemed to be the lure of adventure. While there were wonders to encounter within the city, there was a whole galaxy out there to explore. His eyes glazed over just thinking about all the knowledge waiting to be discovered.

Teyla demurred from giving an opinion. While she knew the value of Earth’s sciences, she had lived her whole life ‘out there’. The idea of there being a safe place to hide wasn’t one in which she could put a great deal of confidence.

Lt. Ford came out in favor of having McKay on the field team. “I know I like to give Dr. McKay a hard time about what a pain in the ass he is,” he said, giving Rodney a friendly grin, “but he’s part of the team now. I guess maybe it’s selfish, but I just feel safer with him along.”

Stackhouse was open to having scientists in the field but wanted them to have more military training. He wasn’t comfortable taking people on missions who weren’t prepared to defend themselves and their teams.

Elizabeth asked for John’s opinion. It was tough to answer, especially given what they’d just been through, but he had to say what he thought.

“I agree that without the science team there wouldn’t be much point in our being here. They’re the most likely to find a real answer to protecting us and other humans from the Wraith. I’m just not convinced that keeping them secluded on Atlantis is the way to go. Yeah, there are all kinds of doodads to fiddle with here, and the computers for modeling and whatnot, but the Ancients already had all that and they lost to the Wraith. I tend to think our best chance is to find something new out there.

“And yes, I think they need to be in on first contact and exploration. From my own experience I can point out information and allies we’ve been able to bring back because McKay was there. Not only because he can recognize useful stuff when he sees it, but because we were alive to bring it back. I don’t think Ford, Teyla or I would be sitting here today if it weren’t for him. He isn’t a trained soldier, but since we’ve been here he’s learned to think and act like one when necessary. It can be done.

“As much as I hate knowing they could be hurt,” he couldn’t look at Rodney, “I don’t see staying home as a good enough option.”

Dr. Weir called on Rodney next. They hadn’t talked about it and John was interested to hear what he would say.

Rodney shuffled some papers on the table in front of him while he spoke. He didn’t seem to be reading them, but it gave him something to look at other than the people around the room. While his demeanor was timid, his words weren’t.

He started with statistics. “The scientific team that arrived here from Earth numbered sixty-seven. In the months since then, twenty-one of those people have died. Of those twenty-one fatalities, thirteen occurred right here on Atlantis. The supposition that remaining in the city is somehow safer is not based on fact.”

Of course Sheppard knew what their casualties had been, but hearing it stated that way chilled him. Nearly a third of the scientists had been lost already? That was roughly the same attrition ratio that the military personnel had suffered. He hadn’t thought of it that way before.

“I also take exception to the suggestion that the scientists in general are more important.” John really wanted McKay to boast that his own superiority was so obvious that it was hardly worth mentioning, but he didn’t. “Everyone here plays a vital role, right down to the mess cooks. Exactly where would we be if all the soldiers went around getting themselves killed? Or the diplomats for that matter. Nobody is expendable.

“Sgt. Bates is concerned that we could be used against Atlantis. I don’t think I’m giving away any secrets when I say that a lot of us are scared shitless a lot of the time. Any sane person would be. We all know that it’s possible, likely even, that we’ll die here. We’ve known that from the start. We are, however, just as aware of the importance of this mission as anyone else. I don’t believe that a scientist would betray it so much more easily than a soldier would. Human weaknesses aside, the scientific team is an exemplary group of people.”

Several of the scientists looked surprised at that praise from Rodney. Surprised and pleased. They sat up a little straighter in their chairs.

“There are, of course, differences in temperament. Some of us are more suited to field work than others. I would be reluctant to force someone onto a mission that they weren’t comfortable with, but I would do it in a second if it were necessary. We’re here to do a job, whatever it takes. Technical personnel are needed in the field. End of discussion as far as I’m concerned.

“Those of you with more experience at the SGC know that this issue has been debated there and at the Pentagon ad nauseam. Drs. Carter and Jackson are both exceedingly valuable, irreplaceable if you will, but they’ve been part of SG-1 since the beginning. They go where they’re most needed. We can do no less.”

McKay shifted in his seat, and to John’s eyes he was looking a little shaky, but he went on.

“I believe Dr. Weir’s initial concern had to do with the possibility that we could be forcibly taken by societies that wanted our skills. I suggest a possible method of reducing that threat. Rent us out.”

Snickers were heard around the room and Rodney frowned.

“I’m completely serious. Let it be known that in exchange for negotiated concessions, technical assistance would be made available on a case by case basis. Although I would just as soon each and every one of them drop dead tomorrow, the Hershorn are an example. There are several people here who would have been more appropriate for what they wanted done. It wasn’t an area I’ve ever bothered with, but Weller or Stein could have handled it easily. Make it clear that each rental includes an armed military escort and that the consequences of mistreating the scientist are severe. It could be self-enforcing between worlds, too. If you knew that your neighbor had stolen an Atlantean scientist, you might make them give him or her back rather than risk having access to technical knowledge withdrawn altogether. At least some of the worlds would elect to enter into peaceable agreements.”

John couldn’t wait to get Rodney home and lick him all over. He’d just taken his own hellish experience and built it into a plan to keep it from happening again. Not that Sheppard would allow him to be rented out. Not his brilliant, brave, kissable Rodney.

That same recently reticent Rodney was quickly reaching his limit on public speaking for the day. As he finished, his voice sounded increasingly tentative.

“Anyway, I want to be able to stay on Major Sheppard’s team. I want to.”

Then he would, John decided. They would make it happen together.

Elizabeth smiled warmly at Rodney, though he didn’t look up to see it. “Thank you, Dr. McKay. That was very well put. If nothing else, what has been said here today should make it clear just how highly we value you, and I hope you realize that it isn’t only for what you know. It’s for who you are.”

Rodney looked at her uncertainly but John could have kissed her. McKay’s arrogant bluster had always covered a core of insecurity. Ironically, it also made it harder for people to give him the thanks he deserved. It would do Rodney good to see himself through other eyes.

After asking for any further comments, Elizabeth promised to think over everything that had been said and let everyone know her decision. As people began to leave, several of Rodney’s colleagues couldn’t refrain from patting him on the back and congratulating him, apparently not noticing the skittish flinches and blanched face.

John cut him out of the pack and herded him back to his room. McKay didn’t even speak to him. He just crawled into bed, curled into a ball and fell asleep. John kept watch for some time, feeling hopeful that his dear friend was going to be fine.

~~**~~

Sheppard was pleased as punch about how things were going between him and McKay. He found that he enjoyed being with Rodney of his own free will just as much as he had when they’d been locked in together. The morning that he woke up to feel something warm and wet lapping at his nipple was one of the best mornings of his life, and he looked forward to more like it.

When he penetrated Rodney for the first time it was a revelation to both of them. Rodney had actually cried with pleasure and clung to him like he would never let go. He had then berated John fiercely for being a selfish bastard and not telling him how good it was to bottom. John had known then that this was it. As unlikely as it may have seemed, this brainiac geek was the person he was meant to spend his life with. There would never be another.

Rodney was coming out of his shell to the extent that he seemed almost normal when John was there. But when on his own, or with John in a crowd, he did a disturbing wallflower imitation.

Sheppard himself was better able to let things roll off his back with Rodney beside him. He felt like they were different people together than they were apart.

Other people noticed the dynamic too, and drew their own conclusions.

The door to his quarters buzzed while he was reading one of Kavanaugh’s missives on how poorly everything was being run.

“Come in.” He thought the door open.

Teyla and Aiden entered with suspiciously friendly smiles. The lieutenant began, “We wanted to talk to you off the record, sir.”

The Athosian continued, “It is about a matter of great importance.”

Ford continued the tag-team presentation, “It’s about you and Dr. McKay.”

John barely got a, “What..?” in before Teyla went on.

“We think it is beautiful that the two of you have found each other.”

“Yeah. I know it’s against regs and everything, but what good is it being in a whole other galaxy if you can’t ignore really stupid rules?”

“We want you to know that as members of your team you have our joyful blessings.”

“You don’t have to worry whether we’ll have a problem with you two being a couple. It’s cool.”

Teyla leaned forward and touched her forehead to John’s. “May you live long and happy lives.”

“See you around.”

And they were gone.

John was stunned. He was more than a little disturbed that it was so obvious, but warmed by his friends’ generous reaction. It was good to know that there were two people who wouldn’t object.

It didn’t stop there. While he was in the infirmary having a check-up on his healing injury, Beckett commented casually, “I’m glad to see you and Rodney doing so well with each other. Nearly everyone is pleased for you.”

“Carson! You didn’t say anything, did you?”

The doctor stepped back, aghast. “Of course not. I didnea have to. It’s plain as day.”

“And you’re really all right with it?”

“And why not? It’s quite something how the two of you get on. Even before your recent excursion. Rodney can get caught up in a plane of existence so far above us mere mortals that he forgets how to relate at all. You have a delightful way of bringing him back down so that he’s aware enough of us that we can get to know him and vice versa. We’d all be poorer without that.

“And you, Major Sheppard, for all your easygoing image, do tend toward being, shall we say, morose. Rodney jogs you right out of it and makes you smile. A perfect partnership. Now all that’s left is to find out who will win the pool.”

John’s stomach sank. “Oh, god, Carson. Tell me there isn’t a betting pool on whether Rodney and I are together.”

“No, that’s a given. The pool is on when you’ll get around to coming out.”

He dropped his face into his hands. This couldn’t be happening.

“Don’t take it so hard, Major. You aren’t the only ones, you’re just one of the more highly placed couples. It’s natural that people in a closed society such as ours should form relationships. It helps us all stay healthy and fit.”

“Us? Do you have something going with someone?”

The doctor grinned contentedly. “Let’s just say that the lovely Dr. Heightmeyer and I are enjoying spending some of our free time together.”

John slapped him on the shoulder. “Way to go, doc. She’s hot.”

“I’ve noticed. So you see, there’s no point in worrying what people will think. There are those who won’t understand, but then they’re probably sad and lonely themselves. Life’s too short for that.”

It gave John a lot to think about and he was inching his way toward being all right with it. His main concern was that Rodney seemed to be becoming too dependent on him. After thinking about it, Sheppard decided that he should bring it up. He didn’t want to make McKay self-conscious, but maybe a little prodding wouldn’t hurt. He very nearly made the mistake of suggesting time apart, but realized the disaster that would be and decided on a straightforward approach.

Snuggled together in bed, he stated, “I’m worried about you, Rodney.”

His lover lifted his head from John’s furry chest. “You are?”

“Yeah. You know I love you, right?” Rodney nodded. “Well, it’s like part of the man I fell in love with is missing. You never snap at anyone anymore. Around other people you’re so shy I hardly recognize you. I know it’s because of what you went through with the Hershorn, but do you even want to get that part of yourself back?”

McKay was quiet for several minutes, while John worried that he’d pushed too hard. Then he answered seriously, “I don’t know. In some ways it’s safer to be this way. I know people don’t like me. They never have. I regularly irritate people to the point of violence, but I saw its ultimate expression in Fyn. I couldn’t stop arguing with him and see what happened? I can’t forget it. I look around and wonder if there’s someone else who might react the same way.”

Tightening his arm around Rodney, Sheppard snorted. “That’s ironic. You look at people and wonder whether they’re going to become violent. I look at people and can’t figure out why they’re being so damn nice. It’s been driving me crazy. That’s why I had to apologize the other day at the meeting. When we first got back people were so nice to me I just wanted to hit them. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be treated that way.”

Rodney’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I knew you were a little out of it, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

“It’s getting better. Being with you helps. I’m not quite my affable self yet, though, and Elizabeth wants me to see Heightmeyer for anger management.”

“You should do it, she’s good.”

“Are you seeing her?”

“Sure. Have been for a while. Before, even.”

“What does she say?”

“To test it out. Take a chance on people and see what happens. I don’t know if I want to, though. Isn’t it easier for you to be with me like I am now?”

John considered that. “Easier, maybe, yes. But I’m not looking for easy. I want the real you. Even when you used to make me nuts, I always liked you. I just hope you can get comfortable with yourself again.”

“I suppose I could conduct an experiment and see how it goes.”

“You know Rodney, in a way you’ve got the easy one. You have to ‘just do it’. I have to stop myself from reacting angrily. I have to ‘just don’t do it’. That’s harder to remember all the time.”

McKay ducked his head and looked up at John questioningly. “And if I’m obnoxious you won’t get angry with me?”

“Nah. I’ll probably rush you back here and screw you into the mattress. Not that I want you to do it to please me. I just want you to be yourself, you know?”

“Most people want me to be anybody but myself.”

“Not me.” He kissed Rodney quickly. “I’m the crazy fool who’s in love with you.”

“Mmm. I can definitely see some intensive psychotherapy in your future. Medication might be indicated.”

“I’m already high on luuurrrve.”

Rodney laughed. “Head case.”

John thought he would rather be a happy idiot than a morose wise man.

~~**~~

True to his word, Rodney started taking chances. He corrected the settings Grodin had input into the control room computer, and didn’t know how to handle the big smile he got in return. He questioned the citrus content in the dinner main dish, and was told that it had been prepared just the way he liked it. He informed Stackhouse that the silicone powder he’d brought back from a trading mission was actually sodium, and survived the man’s disappointment.

Rodney told John about his successes with glee, and John took him to bed.

Not everybody wanted the old McKay back. One day John went to lunch in the commissary and found Rodney already sitting with his colleagues. John sat at the next table and gave his lover an encouraging wink.

Rodney was fairly quiet, but he was there. He was interacting instead of cringing and it made John’s day. After McKay had finished his lunch and left, Sheppard heard a voice raised at the scientists’ table. Kavanaugh, of course.

“It’s such a relief not to have to listen to McKay lecture like he’s god’s gift to physics. He was always so sure he was right that he would never consider that some of us know more than he does. I don’t know what they did to put him in his place, but I think we owe them a thank you note.” A couple of heads nodded in agreement.

John stood slowly, using every ounce of control he possessed. He stepped up behind the long-haired scientist and put a hand on his shoulder. Tightening his fingers just enough to make a point, he leaned over next to Kavanaugh.

He said tightly, “If I ever hear anyone say anything like that again, they’ll be high-diving off the nearest balcony whether they can swim or not. If anyone ever says anything like that where McKay can hear them, there won’t be enough left to feed the fishes.” He dug his fingers in until he knew it hurt. “Is that crystal clear?” He had regained enough mobility in his arm that it wasn’t an idle threat.

Most of the scientists hurried to agree but John waited until Kavanaugh mumbled, “Yes, Major,” before releasing his grip.

“Good. Have a nice day.”

Sheppard was striding down the hall looking for something to hit when a female voice called him. Stopping, he saw it was one of the scientists from the lunch table. Dr. Moore, if he remembered right.

She caught up to him breathlessly. “Major! I’m sorry about that. I wanted to tell you that not everyone agrees with what Kavanaugh said. Quite the opposite.”

Somewhat mollified, he prompted, “Go on.”

“I’ll admit that when you two first went missing it was something of a relief. I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t had their head handed to them by Dr. McKay at one time or another. No one likes it. When he wasn’t looking over our shoulders anymore it was like being on vacation.”

She really wasn’t winning John over with this.

Moore continued, “But that’s the problem. We aren’t here on vacation. The quality of our work could mean the difference between life and death for all of us, and that quality was slipping. Dr. Zelenka tried to motivate us, but it wasn’t the same. There’s no motivation in the world better than trying to keep Dr. McKay from tearing you a new one. Personally, I’d rather put up with that than end up feeding a Wraith. A lot of people agree with me. We’re glad Dr. McKay is back and hope that he’ll feel better soon. We may not always like him, but he has our respect.”

“Why were people agreeing with Kavanaugh, then?”

“He’s an asshole. The quickest way to get him to shut up is to agree with him but no one takes him seriously. I just wanted you to know that we’re glad you’re both back, and glad that Dr. McKay has you to look out for him.”

John smiled as he continued down the corridor toward his meeting with Weir. Even the fact that it turned out to be the, ‘You’re in a relationship with your team mate, how do you intend to handle it?’ talk didn’t bother him. That he was authorized to take his team, including Rodney, out for a short-range mission didn’t hurt, either. For the first time in weeks he had no urge to hit anyone.

~~**~~

By coincidence the next breakthrough happened in the commissary, too. McKay got his tray and headed toward where Sheppard was already sitting. At the next table over, he stopped and said to one of the scientists, “Peters, the analysis of the fluctuations in shield density you gave me this morning was worthless. A fifth grader with a slide rule could have done better. Do it again, and this time try to give me something half way useful. If it’s too much for you, maybe we can get my ten-year-old niece sent over from Earth.” With that he continued on and sat down across from John, oblivious to the flabbergasted gawk of the scolded scientist.

Rodney dug his fork into the savory stew of root vegetables from God only knew what planet and lifted it toward his mouth. Half way there his hand stopped as he caught sight of John’s mouth-hanging-open expression. “What?”

John glanced significantly toward the other scientist and back. Rodney was confused, then remembered that he had spoken to the man moments before. His brows lifted. “Oh.” Then the penny obviously dropped, because his whole face lit up. “Oh!”

Sheppard grinned at him and nodded. “Yeah. You know what, Dr. McKay? You totally rock.”

The other man practically bounced in his seat. “I guess I do at that!”

Looking at the boyish smirk on his lover’s face, John felt a rush of emotion. He’d been afraid he would never see Rodney happy again. He blurted, “Move in with me.”

The smug smile broadened. “Why, Major Sheppard, you think you’re up to that? It’ll be very public.”

“I’m ready. The hard part is over. What do you say?”

Rodney shrugged as if it were nothing. “Okay.”

John bit his lip to keep his own smile from spreading all the way around his head. “Really”?”

“Sure. Saves having to keep track of whether it’s your place or mine.”

Quite aware of having a sizable audience, John leaned across the table and kissed Rodney on the lips. When he sat back, the two men grinned goofily at each other.

A couple of tables over Ford started to clap and was soon joined by a smattering of other supporters as the news spread across the room.

John was under no illusion as to how difficult this was likely to be, but it didn’t matter. He felt as though they had finally stepped out of the cage they’d been in for so long and it was time to start living again.

End


End file.
